Our Hope Endures
by mktoddsparky
Summary: /These feelings weren't rational – they weren't safe; they were completely illegal and she was sick to even be considering that such feelings existed./ If you love someone, set them free. And if they really love you...they'll come back. Jalex.
1. one

**..:Our Hope Endures:...**

**.:A Jalex Oneshot:.**

**_Hey guys, I spent a really long time on this so please review and let me know if you hated it or like it or loved it. I know it's not perfect but a lot of my heart went into it, despite my personal beliefs. Yeah, yeah, I know..incest, old news, right? But it's more than that. Much, much more. So read on and see._**

* * *

The girl walked down the street, her chocolate eyes lifted to the heavens. Rain drenched the sidewalk in a misty mirage, the droplets hitting the ground in a muffled thump pattern.

The young woman turned her face to the stormy skies, her eyelids sliding shut as thunder rumbled predictably. The rain smacked against her face with growing force and she let it, welcoming the stinging pain of the peppering assault.

How had everything gone so wrong? What had changed? Those were the questions that consistently haunted her.

But then again, she already knew where it had begun; she'd just been fighting to avoid the memory, knowing that it would only cause pain. Pain because it was one of her happiest moments and now it was forbidden to her.

It had started with a kiss. One simple kiss that shouldn't have sown such damage.

* * *

_His lips molded against hers, tasting of chocolate suckers and fresh strawberries. With the kiss carried a promise of forbidden love, one she knew she should have avoided in the first place. But how is it possible to avoid your true love, no matter what the circumstances? _

_"Wow," he whispered as he pulled back from the kiss, his vision glazed and dreamy. _

_"Justin, this can't happen," Alex responded bleakly, knotting her hair in between her clenched fingers. "Why did you kiss me?" _

_"You know why," he answered, stroking her cheek with the pad of his thumb lightly. _

_"This can't happen," Alex repeated, tears brimming in her brown irises. "You…me…us…you're my God damn brother, Justin!"_

_"What if I don't care?" Justin replied, kissing her cheek. She didn't know when her brother had become so bold. _

_"If our parents…friends…God, Justin if they find out…we'd never be able to see each other again," Alex rambled, upset by the turn of events. Her cheek burned where moments ago his lips had pressed and a tear spilled down her face, cooling the flush in her cheekbones. _

_"You can't tell me that this doesn't mean anything," Justin murmured, placing a trail of kisses that led to the corner of her lips. _

_Alex trembled with fear. Somehow in the space of a few months their personalities had reversed, "We can't. I could never bear losing you." _

_"Then let's make this our own little secret," Justin whispered seductively before capturing her lips with his._

* * *

The brunette allowed the tears to escape from her eyes, knowing that the rain would only wash them away and conceal the fact that she'd been crying. A little sniffle escaped her clogged nose; she hated appearing so weak.

Sure, their story had started with a little kiss. _One little secret. _That's all it was ever supposed to be: an event that could be steadily erased from the mind, a velvet cloth that would smooth away the wrinkles of their devastating mistake.

But the timeline of their lives had already been weaved into their earliest years; for while on the front of the beautiful tapestry a bloom of fantastic combinations weaved intricately on the back threads of gray, indecision, lurked in jumbled patterns.

* * *

_"Justin," the five year old girl called out for her older brother cutely. "Come help me play the piano."_

_The boy wandered over to Alex, sighing, "Fine, I'll help you." Seating himself so that Alex rested between his thighs Justin cupped her fingers in his and set them on the piano._

_A couple of warbled notes emerged. _

_"I don't think we're doing this right," Alex remarked with a frown, giggling as Justin kissed her cheek. _

_"I don't care," he told her calmly, squeezing her fingers in his tighter. _

_"Your fingers feel…right in mine," Alex attempted to convey her feelings, smiling radiantly up at her sibling. _

_"Shh," Justin hushed her. "Mamma said you can't say stuff like that. It's bad." _

_"Why is it bad?" She asked. "You're my brother and I love you. That's not bad." _

_"I don't know why," Justin admitted, kissing her rounded lips in a friendly gesture. It seemed…good to kiss her like that. Did all siblings feel like this? _

* * *

Rounding the corner the brunette traveled down a set of worn cement steps, emerging onto a twisted road leading to all sorts of random tourist shops.

She knew _he _wouldn't be here. That was the only reason she dared come back again after such a long time.

If he'd listened to her in the first place, however, none of this would have escalated. Nobody would have found out. They could have kept _one little secret. _

If he'd listened to her she would have been with him right now, not crossing a familiar street towards her dreaded destination.

* * *

_Alex, now six, giggled joyfully, "You can't catch me!" Charging across the freshly mowed lawn she turned back to flash her older brother a cocky smirk. _

_"Yeah, right," he argued playfully, sprinting after her fleeting form. "You're such a slowpoke." _

_"Am not!" She insisted with a boisterous laugh, squealing in shock as Justin slammed into her from behind, knocking them both to the ground._

_Squirming around in her brother's arms Alex planted a kiss on Justin's cheek, "Fine, you win. Can you let me up now?" _

_He pretended to ponder her pleading, "No, I don't think I will." Lowering his head, he nuzzled his nose into the crook of her neck._

_"That tickles!" Alex giggled, wrapping her arms around his waist tightly just as a funny sensation attacked her stomach. "Um…Justin?"_

_"Hm?" He wondered, kissing her neck sweetly. _

_"My tummy feels weird," she admitted, wrinkling her nose up. "It feels like I have butterflies crawling around."_

_"Oh," Justin replied vaguely before getting off her. "I feel them too." He didn't go into anymore detail. A siren was going off in his head, telling him something was really wrong with this situation. _

_But nothing could be wrong, could it?_

_After all, they were only siblings and siblings did these sort of things, he attempted to dissuade himself. _

* * *

Pausing at a specific set of glass paned doors the brunette slid into the sub shop, inhaling the familiar scent of bologna and dog hair, probably from years ago when Mason used to visit her.

Thinking about Mason sent her stomach tying into complex knots.

She still felt so guilty about everything she'd put him through, every lie that she'd told him. She'd only wanted to protect him from the _truth_.

She'd been so confused about every feeling throbbing in her heart then – it hadn't yet sunk in how scary things would become.

She hadn't known that she would betray Mason like that.

So she went along pretending to love him, telling herself every two seconds that she couldn't live without Mason, kissing him, trying to place the spark back where it had once resided.

"I didn't know." The words escaped in a hoarse whisper. "I didn't know I would hurt you that much."

She wanted to _want _say that she was sorry; she wanted to _want_ to feel upset and she wanted to _want_ to love Mason again.

She wanted to want so many things. But she couldn't desire them anymore.

* * *

_Sixteen year old Alex Russo watched her brother leave the sub station with his beloved girlfriend and soul-mate, Juliet. _

_Her heart hurt watching them nuzzle noses. It hurt like knives were stabbing her heart over and over again without mercy. _

_"It doesn't matter to me. I love Mason," Alex whispered under her breath._

_"My beautiful Alex," Mason chimed as he entered the sub station, the door swinging open to allow passage to Justin and Juliet. _

_So, as expected by everyone else, Alex flung her arms around Mason and kissed him, missing the spark that once accompanied the touching of their lips. _

_Her eyes never left Justin as he linked hands with Juliet, smiling happily in his girlfriend's direction. _

_But as she turned back to gratify her boyfriend she missed the sad little glance that Justin shot her way, burning with **guilt** and **need**. _She wanted to cry so, so badly.

* * *

She wanted to _want _to miss Mason until her heart cracked and writhed on the ground for all to see.

"But I don't love you in that way," she whispered into the silence, picturing the afternoon that she'd broken it off with Mason.

Oh, but if she could love him again. Life would be so much simpler. She wouldn't be trying to escape her horrible, frightening past.

She wouldn't want to break down and sob all the time.

She would be carefree and giggly – or possibly, depending on what Mason could fulfill.

But she would never love him. And besides, Mason was never coming back anyways.

All because of the _hateful_ words she'd spat in his direction that one afternoon.

The afternoon Justin found out **_everything_**.

* * *

_"Alex, what in the world are you talking about?" Mason whispered, his eyes shimmering with tears. _

_"I don't love you anymore, Mason! Why can't you just get that in your stupid wolfish head?" The seventeen year old Alex yelled, her vision blurred. _

_"But the…the love n-necklace," he stuttered, pulling it off from around his neck and holding it out for her inspection._

_While in his palm the jewel glowed bright crimson, the everlasting reminder of his undying love for her. _

_Love she couldn't return anymore – it just wasn't fair to Mason._

_As Alex's fingers brushed the necklace, intertwining their fingers for the last time, the ruby hue to the necklace dimmed slight, hinting at the saddening finale to this whole charade. _

_"I'm so sorry, Mason," she whispered, placing the gem around her necklace so that it swung to rest over her heart. _

_Instantly the light in the jewel faltered, finally flickering out – the awful truth had been **revealed**. _

_As Alex's chocolate orbs met her boyfriend's she bit her lower lip, fighting not to break down. _

_Mason's whole body trembled and an animalistic growl slipped through his teeth. His body began to blur and the Alex backed away from him. _

_"M-mason?" She whimpered, crying out in pain as his now hair covered paw slapped heavily against her cheek, his claws digging into her fragile skin. Blood dripped down her face as Alex stumbled to collapse on the floor, tears rushing to fill her eyes. _

_"How could you do this to me?" Mason howled, working to keep from shifting into full wolf form. His gaze clotted with guilt as he saw the blood dripping down his girlfriend's face. _

_"I'm sorry. I just couldn't do it anymore," Alex protested weakly, refusing to allow the tears to spill down her cheeks. _

_Just then Justin walked through the door – her older brother; her protector and savior (much more than he should have ever become). _

_He **saw** his little sister. He **saw** her lying there on the floor. He **saw** the blood._

_Molten lava flowed through him and his vision flashed seething red. Later Justin would reminisce and determine that no normal brother would ever react so strongly to such a situation. _

_But by then he **didn't even care**. _

_Alex couldn't watch what horrible things her brother did to Mason. Squeezing her eyes tightly shut she began to sob, too paralyzed with fear to move a muscle. _

_It was horrible enough hearing it. _

_But after it was all over and Justin stood there breathing heavily, Mason's blood dripping down his arms, hands and fingertips, she couldn't manage to discover **regret**._

_"You killed Mason!" Alex screamed, but she couldn't stay angry at him. _

_She was scared – she was so, so scared and she didn't know where else to turn. Her world was spinning and there were no handrails to grab and hold on for dear life. _

_These feelings weren't rational – they weren't safe; they were completely illegal and she was sick to even be considering that such feelings existed. _

_"Alex?" He ran after his little sister as she sprinted up the stairs, running for the temporary safety of her bedroom._

_But there was no safety with **him** here. There was nowhere to **run**…nowhere to** hide**. _

_And as she turned and their bodies touched accidentally her cheeks flooded with heat and she realized that she'd made the worst mistake of her life. _

_The love necklace was trapped between their two bodies, their two fluttering heartbeats – the gem brightened and infused the room with an illuminated crimson glow. _

_Their heartbeats accelerated past the point of normal, venturing into the land of the insane, psychotic individuals._

_Justin looked at the necklace and then at her, his gaze filled with pain, fury and something else she couldn't quite place. "W-why?" _

_"I don't know," Alex whispered, heartbroken by the one word he'd asked. _

_She ran away, unable to get his expression out of her mind, the tears streaking down her cheeks, the sobs wracking her frail body. _

_Justin **knew**. And now, she was **all alone**. _She remembered feeling like her world was crashing down that terrifying afternoon.

* * *

Then again, every emotion that punctuated within her very soul was scary, to state the lowest possible factor.

It was beyond scary.

Then, she hadn't known until much, much later. But now, after living without him for weeks and months and years scary had transitioned into living nightmares and visions of her tortured spirit.

The brunette wished for the lustful afternoons when their feelings were still considered innocent and not punishable by eternal separation and prison time.

* * *

_They sat watching the sunset together, their hands linked comfortably within each other's palms. At ages six and eight such words as 'incest' didn't exist. _

_As the mountaintops seemed to swallow the bleeding remains of the sun whole, Alex whimpered, "It's gone." _

_"Don't worry. The sun will come back tomorrow morning," Justin reassured her, lifting her hands to press his lips against her fair skin. _

_"I'm scared of the night," Alex lisped, her head collapsing onto her brother's shoulder. "I wish the sun would come back." She shivered. _

_"Everything ends," Justin told her, nestling his head onto hers. "Everything has to end, otherwise nothing could begin." _

_"You won't leave me, right?" Alex asked him, her voice shaking with fright. "I love you too much, Justin." _

_"I love you too much to ever leave you," Justin confirmed with a smile, pressing his lips gently against his sister's and pecking her lips affectionately. "I'll always be here." He pointed to her heart. _

_…_

_Alex stood outside of her brother's bedroom door, watching him pack in preparation for his departure to Wiztech tomorrow morning. _

_One part of her heart wanted her to go in there and beg him to stay but her more rational side reminded her that this…thing…would always be forbidden. _

_He was **forbidden** to her. _

_"Alex?" He'd spotted her and he wasn't happy; this much she could tell by his impatient tone of voice. _

_Resisting the urge to run away from Justin she stepped into the dazzling light, revealing her puffy, red eyes. Neither of them spoke. _

_"You're leaving." Finally, she stated the obvious. _

_"Yes," Justin replied evenly, averting his gaze from his little sister. He couldn't let her see the pain sparkling in his eyes. _

_"It's wrong." Both of them whispered those two words at the same time, unheard to each other. _

_They both wanted to believe that they could deny the truth **forever**, because it was **wrong **and **forbidden** and they just couldn't do that to each other. _

_"You promised me that you'd never leave," Alex rehearsed quietly, tears gathering in her defensive gaze. "You said that you loved me too much to leave, ever." _

_"I love you like a sibling, Alex," Justin snarled, pushing past all the rest of the words and responding appropriately. _

_Neither of them wanted to speak the words that would sent the barriers **crumbling down**. _

_"You can't go," Alex choked out, a tear slipping down her cheek. _

_"I have to," Justin argued, refusing to look at her, knowing that if he did he would break apart completely. He couldn't do that to his own little sister._

_Another long moment passed in which both siblings prepared themselves for the last word._

_Finally, Alex whispered, "Goodbye, Justin." Her tone was laced with hurt and she stepped away before he could say a word in protest. _

_Once she was gone Justin allowed the tears to slip down his cheeks, "I love you too much to destroy your life, Alex." _

_If only he knew she'd been standing outside his shadowed doorway and heard those words. They pierced her heart and healed the gash all at once._

_He was **forbidden**. This was so **wrong**. And so very, **very tantalizing**. _

_And it scared her beyond belief. _

* * *

Ascending the stairs two at a time she paused at the threshold of _his_ bedroom, inhaling the stale scent of his intoxicating smell.

There were traces of her old _Angelic _perfume in the air, mixing with his heady cologne in a forbidden dance.

But now, there were only memories left, because they'd crossed the **unforgivable** line so many years ago. They'd made the choice not to turn back, but to plow on ahead into the great unknown.

She'd known the consequences. And so had he. But they had ignored the world and loved each other anyways, without prerequisites and without the threat of separation hanging over their heads.

It was simply…**_love_** for them.

She could still remember the scene in his bedroom that night when they'd finally given in and crushed the barriers surrounding their battered and bruised hearts.

They'd given up running from each other, at least for one night.

* * *

_The moon shone outside of Alex's bedroom window and she sat up in bed, brushing the sleep from the corners of her eyes. _

_It was impossible to find closure with the whole reason for her anguish sleeping just feet away, their bodies separated only by a thin beige wall. _

_But it was good that the wall was there – it remained a barrier to keep them from each other, to remind them that sacrificing their happiness was for the best. _

_They were terrified of being discovered so nothing ever started. And it was probably best that way. _

_Alex's mind kept shifting back to her brother's hateful words from earlier and then blossomed into a feeling she didn't want to acknowledge – because if she acknowledged the disturbing feeling then they would be discovered._

_They couldn't cross that line._

_They couldn't even admit it because they didn't want to be crazy. She didn't want to feel so stupid, so idiotic, so lonely and so blissfully happy at the same time._

_She wanted **to want** so desperately to be normal. _

_But how could she be normal when the thought of what had occurred earlier – how her older brother had torn Mason to shreds to protect **her** – sent chills racing up and down her spine?_

_Shoving her feet into her fluffy slippers Alex padded into the hallway, her heart leaping into her throat as she approached her brother's door. _

_And there she stood, unwilling to cross the forbidden line, knowing that everything would **change** if she did so. _

_So she stood there, the tears streaming down her pale cheeks. She felt so **helpless,** so **insignificant** in this **cold, cruel world**. _

_She felt her heart pounding in her chest as she watched her brother slumber on._

_Only Justin wasn't sleeping, only watching her watching him pretend to sleep in the shadows of his bedroom. _

_"Hey," he breathed. _

_Alex stiffened with guilt and brushed the tears from her face, "I'm sorry…I h-have to go." But she didn't move. She couldn't move away from him any longer. She couldn't **stay away**. _

_Justin had somehow moved and now stood in front of her, looking down upon his trembling little sister. This was so incredibly **wrong** but so **impossible to resist**! _

_He'd been **avoiding** her for too long, as she'd been **denying everything**, pushing the evidence to the side, determined to be as **normal as possible**. _

_"It hurts so badly," she choked out, looking up at him, begging him with her eyes to understand. "I don't want to feel this way, Justin, I don't. I want to be normal; I want to be n-normal, but I'm not." _

_"We're not **normal people**," Justin whispered to Alex, stroking her wet cheek with his fingers, brushing away her tears. He was drowning in her chocolate pools, struggling to escape and diving ever closer to destruction with each passing second. _

_"We can't do this," she mumbled guiltily, more to herself than him. But she didn't mean the words. They were only **words**. _

_And then he kissed her and everything fell into place because it felt so **right**. _

_For the first time in their lives the two siblings felt whole inside – they **needed** each other to **survive** and yet they were the cause of their eventual **annihilation**._

_But in that moment, **none of it mattered**._

* * *

"Mija?" Her mother's voice rang out, full of surprise and the older woman appeared from the lair. She still wore faded jeans and a pink v-neck with a sleek black apron. Her hair remained frazzled, half within a hair-bow, the rest spread around her neck and shoulders haphazardly.

"Mom." She said simply, staring down her conceiver.

Neither one of them wanted to speak the words. Neither one of them wanted to admit that anything was _wrong _with their family.

"All of that…it's done. I'm done with _him_." She hated lying to her mom but right now it was the best thing. "I'm over it; I promise."

Her mom's arms were around her then and her mom was sobbing, "Thank God. I've missed my babies so much."

"Has _he_ come back?" She was so much better at hiding the tension and hesitation that came with mentioning him now.

Now, no one could see the hairline fractures climbing through to her very soul and **tearing her apart** from the **inside out**.

She would lie to protect them from the awful truth. Because it wasn't their problem to deal with anymore; she was an adult and made her own decisions – they'd found out about the forbidden secret when she was eighteen and it had ruined her life.

So now, they would know nothing more on the subject.

"No," her mother replied so hesitantly, so cautiously, brushing back a renegade strand of hair and looping it around her finger.

Her mother wanted to play dollhouse and transform into super thin, blonde haired Barbie. She wanted to meet Ken, fall in love because the script had already been written for that part and marry him. She wanted to decorate the walls beige and the curtains cream and have beige carpets and everything as neutral as possible.

She wanted to live life in the kiddy pool and swim in the shallow, purified water with all the innocent babies. She was pushing away the past just as much as her own daughter was.

And yet, even though they both fought the same battle, the betrayal had resulted in a chasm that had split the family apart.

She didn't want to admit to the public that there was anything _wrong_ with their family.

So she got rid of the **_problem_**, that being her two oldest children.

"So you're just going to keep denying it." She stated it seriously, without marked concern on her mother's reaction. "We're not _normal_, mom. Things **_happened_** and yet we deny them!"

"Nothing happened, ever," her mother insisted in a strangled hiss. "We are a _normal family_!"

"Yeah, only cause the two incest-absorbed freaks are out of the house," she argued, brushing back her dark brown hair as she glared piercingly at her mother.

"Don't bring it up again, okay?" Her mother snarled furiously. "We're over that and if you bring it up we'll have to kick you out again! I don't want to kick my own daughter out of the house _twice_!"

"What am I supposed to do?" She questioned, gritting her teeth. "Do you want me to just pretend it never happened?"

"There's no reason to pretend. It _didn't_ happen. It **_never_** happened." Her mother concluded, her voice a throaty growl.

"Just like you said the first time," she whispered, fighting back tears as the memory blossomed. "I'm spending the night but I'll be gone by tomorrow morning. Don't worry about me." She headed for the stairs, her hair swishing behind her.

"I can't worry about you anymore, honey. I'm sorry; I just can't deal with your problems," her mother admitted. "You'd better be gone by nine tomorrow or I'll call the cops." With that final word she vanished into the lair.

She felt her heart crack in the silence and the sound reverberated around the walls of the place.

Yes, she and her brother had known what they were getting into but that didn't mean it didn't hurt magnificently.

It still scared her – it scared her so, so much. She was just good at hiding her fear.

* * *

_"Alex, this has to stop," Justin said for the billionth time as his little sister's lips grazed his cheek before she got up to pick up a book from the opposing shelf. _

_"Why?" She asked, seating herself perpendicular to his body so that she could rest her legs on his. _

_Her head tilted in that adorable way and her chocolate brown pools gazed pleadingly in his direction…damn, it was so hard to refuse her anything when she looked at him like that. _

_"Because, I've – I've violated you and its…w-wrong," Justin stuttered, trying to find the right words to end this because it was **wrong **and** sick**. _

_"I've violated you just as much," Alex pointed out in a blasé fashion, the toe of her Converse petting his thigh in an example of her stated point. _

_"I know…it has to stop," he said again, sighing as she gazed forlornly into his eyes. _

_"Again, I ask…why? You're off at Wiz-tech and I only see you on holidays, so I don't understand why it's such a big problem," she insinuated solemnly. _

_"Someone's going to find out sooner or later," he fought weakly, hating to hurt her like this. "It's better to end it now." _

_"Do you love me?" Alex asked, throwing her big brother off track. _

_"Yes," Justin responded truthfully, the tips of his ears turning bright red. Even though they sat in between the Y and Z section of the library, the place hardly anybody visited, it still felt…bad…talking about their **forbidden feelings** here. "Do you love me?"_

_"Of course," Alex whispered, capturing his lips in a brief kiss. "Besides, it's you and me. How **can anything stand in our way**?" _

_He was about to state some stuffy theorem when her warm lips pressed against his mouth again and they resumed kissing sweetly, just like when they were six and eight, sitting on the back porch and watching the sunset. _

_It was times like these that confused Justin to no end – they were intensely complex, altering between **simplicity** and **fear** of being uncovered and separated from Alex. _

_But when he kissed her all those problems seemed to fade away and become non-important. _

* * *

She fell onto her bed, clutching the sheets and sighing into the warm material, wishing that she could be lying in _his_ bed right now.

Sure _he_ wouldn't be there; he was halfway around the world in a magical realm learning all about mathematics and other such dorky subjects.

But she hated lying in her own bed – it only reminded her of what she'd sacrificed, of what she'd been so stupid to let go all those years ago.

Her bed felt empty with _just her_ in it.

Sitting up she looked at the dully illuminated surface of her room; she'd lived in this room up through the end of high school.

For the **_truth_** had been revealed and they had been chased from their own home, forced to live in the adult world and grow up much faster than they'd have liked to.

Then again, he always had talked about growing up and living on his own. He couldn't wait for that point in his life.

And she felt so guilty for taking away his future **just like that**…literally, in the blink of an eye.

Sure he was on his own, but what about his dreams of finding that perfect girl and getting married and raising a family? Those were all washed down the drain now.

Dragging a ratty tank-top and some gray sweatpants out of the closet she dragged them on, glancing at her weary reflection in the mirror – she remembered standing in front of the mirror modeling a fancy dress and feeling the butterflies dance in her stomach as _he_ picked her up and swung her around, ruining the front of the dress.

"How could I do this to you?" She questioned a picture of _him_ on her nightstand, surprised that her parents had allowed it to remain there.

She remembered taking that picture – she had stored away all the precious moments the two siblings had created during that one portion of now frozen time.

She shouldn't have remembered that afternoon, or his infectious smile and laugh – normal siblings didn't do that, normal siblings didn't act this way.

Then again, he had said: '**_We're not normal people.'_**

* * *

_"Yeah," Sixteen year old Justin was telling his enraptured parents. "Zeke and I made it onto the tennis team with absolutely no problem, y'know."_

_"Huh, sure," Alex commented dryly, slipping off the wall to stand by her older brother's side. "Where's your tennis racket and uniform?"_

_Justin sputtered for an answer, "Um…coach said we don't get the uniforms until the first actual practice." His lips curled up smugly. _

_"Ok…and the tennis racket?" She pressed, her fourteen year old eyes glinting with mirth and a sprinkle of something unidentifiable. Their parents hadn't guessed it yet but it was there…oh it was there. _

_The monster had already reared its ugly head and trapped them into a cataclysmic cycle of disturbing feelings – they **couldn't escape **even if they wanted to. _

_"Um…I…ugh…ALEX!" Justin's hand curled around her upper arm, sending shock waves through both hormonal teens. "Upstairs…talk…now!"_

_"Jerry," his wife began, "we should probably go and check up on them."_

_"Or we could go restock the cucumbers," Jerry offered, a sly smile creeping up both parents' faces._

_Upstairs Justin was pacing like a caged animal while Alex lounged on the couch, smirking up at him. _

_"Dude, why are you making such a big deal out of this?" She asked him cautiously, standing up and shooting a picture of him with her new camera. _

_"You wouldn't understand," he muttered angrily, spinning to face her calm, expectant expression. "Mom and Dad don't except anything from you. Stop that!" He added as she took another snapshot. _

_"Ouch, I'm hurt," she remarked sarcastically, rolling her eyes. "Mom and Dad will love you even if you suck at sports." Patting her brother's back awkwardly Alex strode a few feet away, placing the camera down on one of the end-tables. _

_Space was the best remedy in this situation – some kind of medicine had to cure it but for right now this would have to do._

_So busy feeling revolted with herself Alex droned out her brother's next words, "What?" _

_"Were you listening at all?" He cried, running a hand through his silky brown hair. He wasn't really angry at her though, no matter how much he wanted to storm and rage until she sobbed. _

_He would kill himself if he ever hurt her. _

_"No," Alex shrugged, flipping her hair and watching him carefully, noting how the sweat beaded on his neck and how his lips parted just so when he ranted. "But is that really news when it comes to me? I think not." She pointed out with a chuckle. _

_Justin sighed again, collapsing on the couch and smiling as she sat beside him, linking their fingers comfortably, "Sometimes I feel like nothing is ever going to be right again." As he said those words his voice broke._

_Because his little sister would never understand how **sick** and **disturbed** he was. She would never comprehend the disastrous, monstrous feelings he held for her – feelings that made him want to rip her clothes off and do **unspeakable** things. _

_"Hey," she attempted to comfort him. This wasn't her forte. "We're wizards. We can do whatever we want to." _

_"Sometimes magic can't fix everything," Justin whispered, clenching her fingers too tightly until she winced. _

_But a nagging voice echoed in his mind – the imp wondered if magic could perhaps cure him of these feelings and make him **normal** once more. _

_"Well, it always works for me. Well actually I'm always the one who messes things up and then my amazing brother comes and fixes everything," Alex recalled, her eyes glazing over. "I love you, Justin." She curled into him. _

_She could barely live with herself as she snuggled into his chest, breathing in the familiar, calming scent of his cologne – she hated the feelings that swarmed to gather in her chest and constrict her breathing until she had problems inhaling and exhaling. _

_"I love you too, Alex," he mumbled guiltily. _

_But she managed to push off the crushing pain that came with his touch as his lips pressed against her hair. It was **forbidden**, yes. _

_But they couldn't live without it. _

* * *

As soon as she flipped off the bedside light the room dissolved into pure darkness.

It scared her, as stupid as that sounded. Ever since their separation a lot of things had scared her.

She'd simply constructed a mask to hide her emotions and smiled on the outside, waving to any curious expressions – on the inside the cracks resulted in confusion and inescapable pain.

And yet, her best friend had almost seen through her façade; she'd had to work hard to persuade her otherwise.

* * *

_"Alex?" Harper's voice rang out as she descended the stairs, peering around the substation. Finally she spotted her best friend lounging on one of the barstools eating sugar from the containers. _

_The fifteen year old brunette sighed, sinking further into her seat, "What do you want, Harper?" _

_"Where's Dean?" Harper asked, a frown settling on her lips as she spotted the pain and guilt that flickered across Alex's face. _

_"He broke up with me," Alex finally mumbled, her voice cracking on the words. It hurt so bad to be away from Dean and yet even then her heart was torn. _

_But she couldn't tell her best friend that the main reason for her breakdown wasn't really related to Dean at all. So she pretended to blot away fake tears instead and looked out the window with another little sigh. _

_"I'm sorry," Harper apologized before wrapping her arms around her best friend and squeezing her into a hug. _

_Alex's breath caught in her throat as her brother walked across Waverly Place, right in front of her vision through the glass. He couldn't see her, thankfully, so it would do no harm to observe him._

_"What's happening to me, Justin?" She pleaded under her breath for an answer, her breath fogging the glass as she exhaled shakily. "I n-need you." _

**_Immoral! Illegal!_**_ The words screamed in her skull and no matter how much she swatted them away they always returned, ringing true. _

_Choking on tears Alex turned to Harper and whispered, "I miss him so much." _

_Harper would never know that Alex didn't mean Dean, but someone entirely different. _

_"Someday a young man is going to come along and sweep you off your feet," Harper consoled, not knowing that she was making the situation so much worse. "Then you'll be really happy, Alex, I know it." _

_Alex shook her head vigorously, her heart plummeting as she eyed her older brother picking up a gardening magazine from the shop across the street. _

_She wanted to tell the words in her heart to shut up; she wanted to scream and writhe on the floor and tear her heart out and watch it convulse and then quit beating forever. _

_The facts were building up now, choking her in their midst. **Wrong! Forbidden! How could you be in love with your own brother? You're sick, Alex, you're sick! You don't deserve to live anymore! **_

_"Are you staring at your brother?" Harper's question interrupted her inner anguish and Alex's eyes widened. _

_But, pushing off the panic, she answered in a snobbish tone, "Ugh, he wishes. I wanted to catch him reading some dorky gardening magazine so I can tease him about it later." _

_"Oh, that makes sense," Harper conceded, smiling amiably. Her eyes softened, "You know, somebody Justin is going to notice me and we'll get married and have eighteen children."_

_Alex choked on air, biting back agonized cries at her best friend's words. **Sick! Forbidden! Illegal!**_

_"Alex, why are you acting like this? What's going on?" Harper asked suspiciously._

_"Harper, I'm so sick," Alex whimpered, alluding to her terrible thoughts about her own brother. This couldn't possibly be happening to her. _

_I'm so sick about Justin, was the whole truth. I need help – I don't know what to do. I'm scared…I'm so, so scared and I feel all alone. _

_"Do you need me to take you to the hospital?" Harper asked, already worried. _

_But, being Alex – or, at least, what was left of the innocent Alex Russo – she had to play the noncommittal, brave role. _

_"I'm fine," she grunted. "I think I'll go take some cold medicine or something." _

_Alex's eyes flashed one last time to settle on the figure of her older brother reading a gardening magazine and a hint of a smile crept onto her lips before she retreated up the stairs. _

_Harper watched her best friend head up the stairs, catching the tiny gaze she gave Justin as she went. A horrible suspicion began to awaken in her mind._

_"What in the world is going on?" The normally cheerful girl whispered into the silence. _

* * *

She just couldn't do it. She couldn't stay in her room with the light off, compressed into the never ending blackness when the howls of ghosts and haunted spirited whooshed around.

She may as well consider herself one of them.

Getting up the brunette wrapped the patterned blanket her brother had knitted for her when she was twelve. If she sniffed carefully she could still make out his heady scent.

She remembered how he gave it to her – his lips quivering and his expression hopeful.

She hadn't realized what that expression had meant yet but oh she wished she had. Otherwise she might not have accepted the gift, knowing the emotional imbalance it would cause her brother.

Then again, she had only been twelve years old, at the brink of adolescence, perfectly innocent, a blossoming flower if you will. How was she to know how the complicated world of a brother-sister relationship was extremely fragile, delicate to the lightest touch?

_

* * *

_

_Alex shivered as she watched the snow fall; she was bored and since it was snowing she couldn't leave the house. Her parents and Max sat over in the living room playing Twister (which really wasn't a good idea considering how much weight her dad had put on) but she didn't feel like joining them. _

_At twelve years old Alex was beginning to grow out of her 'pleasing my parents' phase and into 'rebellion' mode. _

_She knew her parents didn't like the constants arguments between siblings and the like, but Alex just couldn't help it sometimes. At random times anger would spark and she'd be struck with the urge to squabble with whoever was closest to her – that being Justin for the most part._

_"Alex?" Speak of the devil; there was his nasally voice now. _

_"What do you want, Justin?" She asked sharply, narrowing her eyes to shoot him a questioning glare. "Because I don't think you deserve to be talking to me." _

_Her parents shot each other 'the look.'_

_"What did I do?" Her older brother asked, confused. _

_"Oh, like you don't know!" Alex snapped, crossing her arms. _

_"What did you do this time?" Nine year old Max wondered with his goofy grin. _

_Justin shrugged as if to say 'I have absolutely no clue.'_

_"Max, stay out of this!" Alex yelled, causing her little brother to let out a whimper. Then she turned to Justin, fuming, "You cut the hair off all my dolls!" _

_Justin frowned, automatically reaching up to straighten his tidy brown locks, "No, I didn't." _

_"Don't lie!" She screamed, getting in his face until their breath mingled. _

_Alex pretended not to notice the way her brother's breath hitched when she got this close and ignored the fact that she sort of…liked his reaction. _

_Meanwhile, inwardly, Justin was sweating bullets at their intimate distance from each other. It wasn't always the closeness that bothered him and did funny things to his stomach, however. _

_It was how furious she got with him; it was that she would **ignore** him for two weeks and then **love him again**. _

_It was **torture** and **pure bliss** all at once. But he wouldn't think about that now; he wouldn't let it become important. This was his little, impudent sister._

_"I didn't do it," he swore, gazing into her angry chocolate pools. _

_"Then who did?" She asked in a hiss, waving her arms in the air like a crazy person. _

_"I did it," Max confessed with a toothy smile, holding up chunks of blonde and brunette doll hair in between his chubby fingers. _

_Alex visibly deflated as she stared at her little brother; for whatever reason she couldn't stay mad at Max and **sometimes** she wished it was that way with Justin. But it couldn't stop. Fighting was her and Justin's thing now. _

_"Oh," Alex mumbled, chewing on a strand of her dark brown hair, unwilling to apologize. _

_But Justin saw the guilt in her eyes and knew exactly what his little sister was struggling to say, "It's alright. I forgive you." _

_Immediately Alex tensed, "Who said I needed forgiving?"_

_Justin's shoulder's slumped, "Whatever. I made you this." He handed her a carefully wrapped box with a blue ribbon on top; he knew how much Alex loathed pink._

_Alex felt extremely bad as she took the present from her brother, "You made me a present?" Her voice sounded tiny, **insignificant**. _

_Justin nodded in confirmation as their parents cooed over their eldest son's generosity and kindheartedness. _

_"You made me a Christmas present," Alex mused to herself as she tore off the wrapping paper, making her brother wince. _

_Alex's eyes widened as she held up a handmade quilt, the edges serrated so perfectly, the rounded edges sculpted to flawlessness. The background color was a chocolate brown laced with midnight black and little twinkles of dazzling blue permeated the darkness of the solid backing in star patterns. _

_"Wow," was all that she could say, her lips trembling. _

_As Justin wrapped the quilt around her shoulders Alex fell into her brother's warm embrace, nuzzling into the crook of his neck and listening to his heartbeat. _

_"Do you like it?" The words made his chest thrum, eliciting a shiver from the girl._

_"Yes," she whispered simply, kissing his neck in thanks and **smiling** to herself. _

_And that's when Justin knew that he was all forgiven. _

* * *

Moving out into the hallway she let out a tense breath before slipping into her brother's old room.

Immediately she felt at **home**.

_His_ scent was everywhere, lingering on everything he'd touched with the merest finger.

_His_ action figures that she'd so often teased him on sat stacked on a far shelf and _his _queen sized bed was covered with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle sheets.

She should have burst out laughing at how ridiculous this was. But she hadn't laughed in _so long_.

And then, a chuckle escaped. It was so tiny: a **whisper in a storm**, but it was there. It made her heart hurt and her ears thrum and her feet shake and her knees nearly crumble but at least it was _there_.

She laughed again, testing it out, welcoming the crashing pain that came with it, relishing the feelings that overpowered the numbness.

"I miss you so much," she admitted into the solicitude of his bedroom, capping one of his action figures in her palm and looking at it.

He had touched this action figure; his fingers had brushed it and he'd pretended that he could escape into an alternate reality with it.

For a second, she nearly escaped the box she was trapped in. She nearly permeated the dark cloud shrouding her happy emotions far, far away. She was so close.

And yet, she simply _was_.

She existed, yes, but now, it felt like her purpose had vanished, leaving her to simply be.

It had been years since she'd last seen his face and she wondered if things had changed.

But everything had to **change** eventually.

And that's when she crumpled onto his bed and cried. She _cried_ and _cried_ and _cried_ until there couldn't possibly be any tears anymore and then _cries _changed to **_sobs_** and to **_hysterics_**.

She _curled_ into a little ball, _burrowing_ beneath the covers, _inhaling_ his scent, _breathing_ him in, **wishing desperately** for his presence.

But wishing wouldn't bring him back.

And the pain came from knowing that she'd never truly let him go like she'd promised that night.

She'd held on to her brother like he was a life-vest in the middle of a storm but when the storm had passed she'd just kept on clinging to the straps and stubbornly refusing to drift to safety.

The pain came from knowing what she would have to do when she saw him again.

_

* * *

_

_Banging into Justin's dorm room eighteen year old Alex locked eyes with her brother, crying hopelessly. _

_There was something within her she just couldn't describe; something that told her this was the last time she'd see her big brother for a long, long time. _

_Something that reduced her to a **hollow shell** of her former self._

_"Alex, what's wrong?" Instantly Justin was rushing across the room, pulling her against his broad chest and kissing her lips gently. _

_She couldn't manage to find the words to explain, but something that would make sense to him remained, "I n-need you, Justin." _

_"I'm right here," he crooned, stroking her damp hair with his warm hand. _

_Brown eyes met brown and she knew that he knew what was coming just as much as she did; he was just braver than her, willing to suffer inwardly but put on a smile for her all the same. _

_"No, Justin, I need you tonight. Just **you** and **me**," she whispered, begging him with her eyes to understand. _

_His lips pressed against hers again and she discovered that his mouth was trembling. _

_"We can't," Justin whispered when they parted for air, tears gathering in his brown orbs. _

_Biting back a scream Alex locked her hands behind her brother's neck, releasing the words that would destroy their world, "**Make love to me, Justin**." _

_She needed the words screeching Wrong and Forbidden to stop for just one night and this was her one escape. She needed him before she would lose him forever. _

_"No, Alex. You don't want this," he argued tremulously. _

_"Please?" She whimpered for the first time in her life, kissing him sweetly. _

_The words shook the **barriers** separating their two hearts and sent them **crumbling** to the ground._

_There was no going back now. _

_"Okay," Justin agreed quietly, leading her to the bed and lying her down. Alex shivered as his body rested on top of hers, heating her up from the **inside out**. _

_They began kissing again; this time their kisses were desperate, as though they were trying to pull each other's souls out. _

_"I'm scared," Alex confessed as her brother pulled her shirt up and over her head, exposing her wire threaded black bra. _

_"Me too," he said before capturing her lips again. _

_When they pulled apart a single thread remained, binding them together temporarily. If they chose to continue on the thread would run molten gold and secure in place for **eternity**. _

_"Are you sure?" Justin asked his little sister, the last words that would determine their **fate**. _

_"Yes," Alex Russo whispered submissively, securing their future forever. _

_And so they continued on to the first and last night of their consummation, absolutely no regrets between them._

_There was only…**love**._

* * *

The next morning dawned bright and cheerful – well, no actually, it was partly cloudy with a chance of mild rain later that afternoon.

But to the girl lying on her brother's bed blinking the sleep from the corners of her eyes the day seemed sunny compared to her mood.

She lay there, shrunken beyond belief, unable to move more than the occasional brush of her lungs inhaling and exhaling life into her body.

She didn't want to move, but the clock on the wall spoke differently – _8:56…mom said she'd call the cops by nine; then again, he always did set the clock twenty eight minutes ahead of schedule. For once his nubbish qualities come in useful. _

Several minutes later she'd managed to stumble out of bed and into her room, averting her gaze from the countless "precious" memories stacking the shelves and cluttering the wall space.

For whatever reason she felt like dressing up today – _it's definitely a first; he's rubbing off on me._

So, with a nonchalant shrug she began leafing through her clothes_. _

_

* * *

_

_"Mama, what are you doing?" Six year old Alex wondered, gazing up at her mother as the woman applied a thick coat of ruby lipstick. _

_"Sometimes girls like dressing up," Theresa answered with a smile, straightening the low cut black dress around her chest and fastening two buttons on the back that kept popping out. "Your father and I are having dinner tonight at a fancy restaurant!" She squealed happily. _

_(Little did she know the fancy restaurant would be Bob's Burger Joint several blocks down.) _

_"Well, I don't like dressing up," Alex protested, gazing down at her wrinkled pants and T-shirt that read: Zombie Prom: Cheerleaders Watch Out!_

_"Someday you will, precious," the woman remarked gently, pressing kiss against her daughter's forehead. _

_"Ugh, spit," Alex groaned, wiping her skin fanatically to get the clear saliva off._

_"Watch it, or I'll have your father turn you into a newt again," Theresa warned her rather…opinionated first grader. "I think justice would win out this round, even though you know I hate magic!"_

_"But newts are so cool with their…" Alex died off as she saw her mom's expression. "Um, sorry?" She grinned from ear to ear as chuckles slipped from her mouth. _

_Theresa sighed, shaking her head from side to side, "Maybe I should just make you dress up like this instead!" She motioned to her own fancy dress and strappy high heels. _

_"No, no, no," Alex wailed, backing away. "Anything but that!" Her eyebrows curled apologetically. _

_Her mom only smiled, "Don't give me any ideas." _

_…_

_Eighteen year old Alex wrapped the fuzzy, pure white robe tighter about her shoulders, hiding her trembling nude form. The moon still shone peacefully in the night sky, its eerie light filtering through the curtains, but she couldn't sleep after the **indescribable** night they'd had. _

_What words could possibly describe this phenomenon? Neither the physical nor emotion aspect could be cleanly dissected and **expressed**. _

_And yet, the **incredible impact **of their time together, as one being, left both scars and illuminated passageways throughout the girl's heart. _

_She was **crumbling apart** and yet this act had acted as a duct tape of sorts, barely holding her together. _

_"Alex." His voice breathed in the silence, shaking with something she couldn't place. Anger? Love? Disappointment? _

_Yes, there it was. _

_Disappointment and humiliation clotted any other rational emotions from the boy's brain. _

_She couldn't face him; she didn't want to see the pain flickering in his eyes, reflecting her own **broken sight** right now. _

_"What did we just do?" Justin croaked, running a hand through his dark hair in an attempt to balance his **teetering world**. _

_Alex's fingers tightened around the marble countertop, her skin bleaching with each passing second. She was simply waiting for the words that would end this forever. _

_"Alex, l-look at me," her older brother pleaded quietly. _

_How could she refuse? _

_"What, Justin?" Alex cried as she whirled to face her brother and lover, watching as he hurriedly covered his naked body with the comforter. "I'm waiting for you to tell me that this was all a huge mistake! So just get this over with and say it already!" Tears budded in her chocolate orbs, captivating him. _

_He never could resist her tempting russet pools, no matter what state he might be in. _

_Alex fought to keep from crumbling to the floor as she demanded, "Well?"_

_"This was a mistake," Justin whispered, wishing he could say otherwise, "but I don't regret it."_

_Her head snapped back at his words, her stormy eyes probing him, "W-what?" Her robe fell open a bit but she quickly covered herself up._

_"I love you, Alex Russo," Justin confessed, getting up and wrapping a blanket around his nether regions. _

_"How can you love someone as pitiful, ugly and **sickening** as me?" She asked, turning her head as the tears blurred her vision. _

_They were both sick, getting themselves into this – the thought connected then and both siblings realized what they'd just done to each other. _

_"I slept with my little sister," Justin choked, covering his mouth as Alex turned to face the mirror again, shaking like a leaf. _

_"I slept with my big brother," Alex whimpered under her breath, her horrified gaze reverberating on the mirror's slick surface and hitting her over and over again. _

_And the worst part was that she didn't even regret it. _

_"How could I be so selfish," Alex questioned bitterly, wringing her hands together. _

_She didn't even notice her brother creeping up behind her until his warm arms slid around her waist, prying the robe open a bit. Justin's head thudded down on her curved shoulder and he gazed, enraptured, at his sister's breathtaking reflection. _

_"Do you have any idea how **beautiful **you are?" He asked softly, twirling a strand of her black hair around his pointer finger lazily. _

_"I don't feel beautiful, Justin," Alex admitted hoarsely, turning her head slightly so that she could gaze at his eyes through the mirror. "I feel dirty and vulnerable and –"_

_Justin kissed her then and for a second everything fell into place – tears slid down the girl's cheeks as she recognized how cruel fate was, bearing them into the same family where they would have to suffer **forbidden love**. _

_"I l-love you," she told him when their lips broke apart, her voice trembling. "I love you so damn much." _

_She couldn't bear to say goodbye just yet. _

* * *

Twenty six minutes later found her standing in front of her closet door mirror, observing her appearance. She now wore a dazzling, short, midnight blue dress with fishnet stockings and her converse (she just _had_ to keep one item of rational clothing.) Her dark hair was curled nicely and she'd even painted her nails black.

"I look good," she told her reflection, smiling slightly before grabbing her purse and leaving her room for the last time.

She never wanted to come back to this place – it only harvested haunted memories of forbidden love and bruising lectures. _About him, though, mainly, and those who hadn't accepted her for who she was. _

Descending the stairs she allowed her hand to press against the cool rail, pretending that it was the arm of her brother - the thought was utterly **sickening** and **delicious** in the same wavelength.

Because she wanted it _so damn bad_ and yet loathed it as well. She _had_ to hate it; otherwise it would destroy her mind and cripple her forever.

Shock rippled through her as her voice was stated and she turned to see her (ex) best friend, "H-harper?"

She wasn't sure why she stuttered on the name; maybe it was the shock of seeing the auburn haired girl after so long. _She had never expected to see Harper again after that afternoon. _

"You're leaving again." Harper simply stated those words but they carried with them an immense burden.

"Yes," she answered quietly, reaching out to pull her (ex) best friend into a hug and wincing as Harper pulled away from the physical contact. It only reminded her of the whole (ex) thing.

Loathing physical contact used to be _her _thing, though.

Over time, however, her sardonic behavior had fractured and cracked and eventual bound itself off into an abyss of bleeding colors, taking the selfishly absorbed part of her heart along with it.

"You lost the right to hug me when you took off with _your own brother_!" Harper yelled.

"I know," she accepted tremulously, knowing that she deserved every shred of anger Harper was currently sending her way.

It was about time her (ex) best friend made up for the years of hurt _she_ had caused her.

"Do you still love him?" Harper whispered, probably already knowing the answer, unwilling to bring up _his_ name as well.

What was the point of arguing anymore?

But instead of answering 'yes' or 'no' she mumbled, "I have to fix things." Her dark irises glinted with determination and agony nobody could possibly comprehend.

"I never want to talk to you again," Harper said without a shred of doubt, walking up the stairs, probably to find Max.

But there were cracks and fissures within her (ex) best friend as well, just not as pronounced as _her_.

Everybody just wanted to keep denying it.

_

* * *

_

_Eighteen year old Alex thumped down the stairs, preparing to greet her best friend with a humongous hug when suddenly her breath caught in her throat. _

_Her family – including Justin and Harper – stood there in the sub shop just looking up at her blankly. There were no evident glares yet. _

_Max's lower lip was trembling as he glanced at his older sister, trying to deny the conversation he'd just overhead between his parents. _

_Theresa and Jerry stood there giving each other marked looks, their expressions melting away to incredulous gapes as they saw their daughter._

_Harper's arms were crossed and her mouth was shivering as well. Absolute horror resided in her normally cheery eyes. _

_Justin was crying – yes, actually crying, the tears streaming down his pale cheeks in waves. His intense gaze nearly burned holes through her as he silently begged for her to rush back upstairs. _

_Alex didn't get the chance. _

_"Alex Russo," her dad began, knotting his fingers together. But then he choked up and couldn't continue. _

_Her mom took a tentative step forward, struggling not to cry, clearly furious with her only daughter, "How could you do this to us? How could you _do this_!"_

_"W-what did I do? Justin, what's going on?" She turned towards her brother, needing answers, seeking comfort from afar. _

_He only looked at her, still crying desperately. _

_"I thought we were normal! But instead I find this mess of lies…betrayal…**incest**!" Theresa screamed. _

_They knew. They knew **everything**. All the lies and the pain and the confusion. They knew._

_Suddenly it was hard to breathe and Alex fought not to slump to the ground and fall apart. _

_Sneaking another glance at Justin she memorized her brother's face, confident she wouldn't see it for a long, long time. Tears blurred her vision as she worked to intake a struggling breath. _

_"How could you do this, Alex?" Her mom screamed again, the words ringing in the air until it physically hurt. _

_"I'm sorry, okay? This wasn't my decision!" Alex yelled right back, tears rolling viciously down her cheeks. _

_"Damn it, you're in love with your own brother! You kissed him…groped him…what else did you do?" Her mom asked, pointing her finger threateningly. _

_Alex didn't say anything, battling the walls of darkness closing in on her. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen…this couldn't be how it ended…_

_"What else did you do?" Her mom asked again, madder than her daughter had ever seen her. _

_"I slept with him, okay? I had sex with my own brother!" Alex choked harshly, gasping for air as the tears squashed her lungs. _

_Everyone in the sub shop inhaled sharply, permeating the sudden silence with a symphony of shocked exclamations. _

_Harper was shaking her head again; she still hadn't said a word but her murderous, stricken expression told all. _

_"Get upstairs and pack your stuff, both of you," their mom whispered in a deadly serious tone. "You will never speak to each other again and you will never speak to us again until these atrocious feelings have ended. You'd better be out of this house in thirty minutes or I'll call the police." _

_Alex was **drowning** in a world of pain, **slipping** into a whirlwind of emotions with **no possible escape. **_

_"This didn't happen. It **never** happened," Theresa denied, tears gathering in her chocolate brown orbs. _

_Harper took one last betrayed look at her best friend before rushing out of the house. _

_"Mommy, please don't do this," Alex begged, crying so hard that everything spun like a colorful top. "Please…you can't do this to us!" _

_"I no longer have a daughter," Theresa stated coldly before vanishing into the lair. _

_Alex slumped to the cold ground of the stairs, bending over and curling into a little ball as the sobs wracked her frail body. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen…_

* * *

She smiled to herself as the cool breeze tickled her skin and swept her hair into the hair, undulating the thick brown stalks like streamers in a parade.

Sometimes it hurt so bad that she just had to laugh – because if she didn't laugh then she would as sure as hell break down crying.

Today she would end everything. She would end the **confusion** and the nerve-wracking **pain**.

She would **sever** their ties and _just let them live_ separate lives, wholesome legal lives filled with as much happiness as an incest victim could get.

She would **save them from themselves** before they were broken into thousands of pieces in a cataclysmic emotion-knotted event.

"Alex." It wasn't a question. He recognized her just as she recognized that melodious tenor voice.

For a long time she couldn't even bear to look up; her eyes remained locked on the scuffed soles of his converse, tracing the various equations her brother had jotted into the scratched white surface over the years.

Where had all her time gone? What happened to the days of their youth when they could simply be content chasing each other around the backyard, giggling and tackling each other into the dew tipped grass stalks? Where had the moments slumbering innocently in each other's arms vanished to?

Storm clouds thundered overhead, announcing the presence of the coming rain and she almost welcomed the jolt from her thoughts.

Things just weren't simple anymore - had they really been simple to start with, if she really thought about it? They'd known what this **sickening** path would lead to.

Alex Russo looked up into the freezing cold yet boiling hot gaze of her big brother/lover Justin Russo, a face she hadn't seen in years.

"It's wrong," both siblings murmured to themselves, their eyes never disconnecting, chocolate melting and twisting into one sample of DNA.

"I love you," she admitted, wrapping her arms around his neck, unable to keep the distance between them any longer.

Saying those two little words hurt more than she could have ever imagined; they scraped the back of her throat on the way out, hissing and stinging as they convulsed into syllables.

He couldn't bear to answer her. It hurt too much, because he knew what she was about to say.

Rain began to pour from the skies, drenching the siblings in a sphere of translucent droplets. The heavens opened then, illuminating their pale skin in the sun's powerful glow.

"I love you, Justin, but I can't love you as more than a sibling." Alex forced the words out, biting her tongue as tears squirmed to the surface of her eyes.

They hugged then, allowing the rain to pelt their skin with freezing icicles and wet promises.

He wanted to kiss her so bad – she wanted to feel his body press against hers as they fell on top of the hotel bed again.

They couldn't _love_ each other anymore, but they still **needed** each other.

They needed each other's presence, more desperately then either was willing to admit.

Chocolate met chocolate as they kissed for the very last time, memories of their lives spanning out in front of them like a canvas and marking out every mistake they'd made.

_You know, after that night, I just couldn't breathe anymore. _

They'd ruined their lives…their parents hated them…and they couldn't be _together_.

_I love you, but I have to let you go now. _

And yet, there was no possible way to regret their mistakes.

_And it's going to hurt like hell, but I have to protect me._

For what they had was simply…**_love_**.

_You know what they say. If you love someone, set them free. And if they really love you, they'll **come back**…_

* * *

**SPARKNOTES: **

_**Well I hope you enjoyed that. I know it brought me to tears but perhaps that's just me :'( I guess the ending is sort of bittersweet, because they can't be together romantically but they still need each other so they'll move past the pain and remain close siblings. **_

**_Anyways, review and give me your thoughts! :D_**

**_-mktoddsparky_**


	2. two

**..:Our Hope Endures:..**

**.:Part Two:.**

_**Yes, I know I said this was only going to be a one-shot but I got new ideas and I really wanted to make it a somewhat happy ending, so I wrote this. I hope it sates your thirst for a good story. **_

* * *

_**From last part:**_

_Alex Russo looked up into the freezing cold yet boiling hot gaze of her big brother/lover Justin Russo, a face she hadn't seen in years._

_"It's wrong," both siblings murmured to themselves, their eyes never disconnecting, chocolate melting and twisting into one sample of DNA._

_"I love you," she admitted, wrapping her arms around his neck, unable to keep the distance between them any longer._

_Saying those two little words hurt more than she could have ever imagined; they scraped the back of her throat on the way out, hissing and stinging as they convulsed into syllables._

_He couldn't bear to answer her. It hurt too much, because he knew what she was about to say._

_Rain began to pour from the skies, drenching the siblings in a sphere of translucent droplets. The heavens opened then, illuminating their pale skin in the sun's powerful glow._

_"I love you, Justin, but I can't love you as more than a sibling." Alex forced the words out, biting her tongue as tears squirmed to the surface of her eyes._

_They hugged then, allowing the rain to pelt their skin with freezing icicles and wet promises._

_He wanted to kiss her so bad – she wanted to feel his body press against hers as they fell on top of the hotel bed again._

_They couldn't __love__ each other anymore, but they still __**needed**__ each other._

_They needed each other's presence, more desperately then either was willing to admit._

_Chocolate met chocolate as they kissed for the very last time, memories of their lives spanning out in front of them like a canvas and marking out every mistake they'd made._

_You know, after that night, I just couldn't breathe anymore. _

_They'd ruined their lives…their parents hated them…and they couldn't be __together__._

_I love you, but I have to let you go now. _

_And yet, there was no possible way to regret their mistakes._

_And it's going to hurt like hell, but I have to protect me._

_For what they had was simply…__**love**__._

_You know what they say. If you love someone, set them free. And if they really love you, they'll __**come back**__…_

* * *

**E I G H T / Y E A R S / L A T E R**

* * *

She distractedly paced the perimeter of the small office, her fingers running over the top of the Mac laptop as it sat there, shining in all its glory. The scent of lavender and french vanilla flavored coffee permeated the air, settling on the lone occupant as she rustled impatiently.

She had always been impatient – so her older brother had frequently pointed out (being annoying as usual) – but today her edginess took on a whole new level.

This evening would be the night she would fix **everything**; _everything_ referred to the catastrophic separation she'd undergone eight years before, an event she fought tremendously to store in the back of her mind and forget.

But she never truly forgot it; no, it simply resonated in the recesses of her heart, no matter how hard she attempted to **scrub out** the painful memories.

But now, she was more responsible and definitely more mature – she would recover the lost relationship and live life as normally as possible.

If life could ever truly be _normal_ again, that is.

"I've changed since then," she whispered into the silence, the syllables humming in the air as she pushed away the past once more. "I grew up and accepted reality."

Or, at least, she'd managed to pick up the shattered pieces of her old life and glue them back together, with the help of her husband.

She had accepted that life would never be the same as it was before _the event_ happened. But she'd moved on the best she possibly could.

And hopefully by tonight she would receive the long awaited closure they both deserved. 

* * *

_Eighteen year old Alex Russo huddled on the rumpled bed, her fingers clutching the covers in a thorny grip until the fabric tore under her hands. Dry tear tracks streaked down her face and the skin surrounding her chocolate brown eyes remained puffy and red. Her lips trembled with the effort not to completely break down for the umpteenth time. _

"**I love you Justin, but I can't love you as more than a sibling."**

_Since being kicked out of her house by her own mother Alex had rented this apartment and now resided there until further notice. So far she hadn't discovered the energetic feelings necessary to decorate the place; but hey, she'd managed to store several cups in the maple wood cabinets and a few frozen dinners in the slowly degenerating fridge/freezer. _

**She would save them from themselves, "It's wrong." **

_Biting her lower lip Alex welcomed the rush of pain the act caused, inwardly writhing as a droplet of blood oozed out of the tiny wound. At least it proved she was __still alive__ in this __**chilling reality, this uncaring world.**_

**She was drowning in a world of pain, slipping into a whirlwind of emotions with no possible escape, "I'm sorry, Justin." **

_She wanted to cry. She wanted to release the floodgates and just sit there as the tears rolled like little mementos of happier times down her shrunken cheeks. _

_She wanted to collapse on the pillows and sob and yell until she was hoarse, until there were no tears left to vacate their slimy residence. _

"**I love you too much to destroy your life," he whimpered into the silence.**

_She wanted to open her tightly sealed mouth and stand in the rain and __**scream to the skies**__, to the very heavens. She wanted to feel the __rain pound her skin__ like it had last night on her way to the sub shop. _

_She wanted to get up and sprint around the room, flinging chairs at the walls until the plaster cracked and the wooden legs snapped off the surface they supported. She wanted to tear the building to shreds and watch as the very foundation shuddered and then crumbled underfoot. _

"**We're not normal people," he whispered. **

_She wanted to laugh manically at how wonderfully __awful__ life was and how right now she just wanted to __**give up**__ – she just wanted to stab the glinting knife into her chest and watch as the blood seeped out of the gash until there was __**nothing left to spill**__._

_She wanted to collapse on the cold, cold ground and close her eyes and dream of better days._

**Now, no one could see the hairline fractures climbing through to her very soul and ****tearing her apart**** from the ****inside out****.**

_She wanted to fade far, far away, away from this unbearable pain. She couldn't stand the feeling of her heart being ripped open again and again and again, her very flesh flaying before her own two eyes. _

_But all she could do was sit there and wish to __**cry**__ and __**sob**__ and __**scream**__ and __**destroy the room**__ and __**kill herself**__ and __**feel happy again**__._

"_I don't miss you, Justin," Alex lied through gritted teeth. Oh what a terrible lie that was. _

_She missed him __so much more than she was ever willing to admit. _

_**Inhale**__…__**Exhale**__…with every breath spurts of pain crackled through her heart, splintering the fractures into __**thousands of pieces**__. _

_**Inhale**__…__**Exhale**__…who could __possibly put her back together after this?_

"_G-god, I miss him so damn much," she admitted finally, curling into a little ball and wishing that she could __**just breathe normally.**_

* * *

"Mrs. Newman?" Her boss' 'happy-go-lucky-and-hope-our-financial-department-doesn't-fold' tone filled the room as he closed the door gently behind him.

After a brief hesitation at the mentioning of her last name she turned to face him, forcing a smile, "Hello, sir."

At fifty-two Mr. Marshall wasn't exactly the picture of perfect health. His steadily balding scalp remained ruffled with a semi circle of mousy brown hair and his blotted, flushed skin glinted with perspiration and a slew of pimples. His belly protruded from the edge of his too tightly buckled pants and his striped blue shirt had a mustard stain near the front pocket.

Then again, his honest personality and hard-working morals earned him a personal star on her chart – true he remained near the bottom of that same chart, but at least she had the decency to put him on it in the first place.

"If you're going to ask for a raise then you may as well bow out now," Gary Marshall advised, blotting the beads of sweat from his forehead as he glanced towards the windows surrounding the office.

Instantly her face dropped and her fingers nodded as a pleading expression emerged, "Gary, I have to get more money. With all the…um…problems with…um…_please_." She couldn't even force the words out. "Me and Jamie are going to be evicted soon if I can't pay the bills!"

Mr. Marshall's face softened, "One sec." Rushing around the room he flipped closed the blinds on all the windows before whirling to face her. "Don't want any prying eyes watching us now do we?"

"And by that you mean my intern," she tried joking, flipping her dark brown hair over her shoulders as she thought of the young woman supposed to be answering phone calls by her desk.

"I…well…Amanda…" Gary died off, mumbling incoherent syllables.

"There are no words to describe Amanda," she replied with a vigorous nod.

* * *

_Alex sat at her desk typing up the newest Housing and Urban Development statistics, running a hand over her mouth as she yawned, utterly bored with her progress. Two weeks ago the Penny-saver had asked to feature one of her pieces on the third page of their next edition, giving her the specifics they required. _

"_Shaun Donovan recently admitted that the HUD needed to have a bigger influence on the topic of domestic sadism." Alex read along as she typed up the next sentence, her fingers flying across the keyboard. _

_When she was a girl Alex's form of typing had been hunting and pecking with her two pointer fingers; but since this decent-paying journalist post required vigorous typing skills she'd been forced to change her habits. _

"_Who knew I'd end up in a crappy statistic unit," she grumbled, raking her unruly brown locks back into a tight bun. "I guess Justin __had a bigger influence on me then I thought__." _

_At the mention of his name slipping through her mouth Alex winced unconsciously, a shuddering breath sliding through her teeth. Even to this very day the mention of her __**forbidden**__ older brother sent memories flinging through her mind, a factor she really didn't need to put in her life. She already had enough drama as it was. _

"_Excuse me," a curt female voice murmured, dragging Alex from her thoughts. _

_Alex glanced up, pushing the glasses up the bridge of her nose as she cautiously eyed the college aged girl lounging against the doorframe, "Can I help you?" _

"_Gary Mitchell sent me in here," the girl responded in a chirping tone. _

_Alex found herself inwardly gagging as she took a one-over of the young woman's choice of clothing. Puffy, pink headband, low cut, sequined pink top with a ruffled white mini skirt and gobs of makeup…she was practically anti-Alex. "Uh…why did Gary send you in here?" She asked rudely. _

"_He said something about you needing an assistant/receptionist," the girl explained, fluffing her bleached blonde curls. "I'm Amanda, but you can call me Mandy if you wanna." _

_Alex shuddered and forced a professional blank expression onto her face, "Give me one moment." Getting up she crossed the room, watching from her peripherals as Amanda took out a tube of (let's see…) pink lip-gloss and began smearing a generous coat over her lips. _

"_Gary!" She roared, storming across the split level complex, shimmying through several offices to reach her destination. "Gary!" _

_Gary Mitchell peeked out of his office, raising his eyebrows quizzically as she marched towards him, "Can I help you, Alexandra?" _

"_It's Alex, Geronimo," she answered moodily, crossing her legs and slapping her thighs as she waited for the answer to the question she hadn't asked yet. _

"_You're exhausted and you needed an assistant," Gary finally told her. _

"_Yeah, but not…__that__!" Alex yelled, referring to Amanda's repulsive girliness. _

"_Hey, it's the blonde bimbo or nothing," her boss remarked with a tiny shrug of the shoulders. _

_Rolling her eyes exaggeratedly, Alex looked at Gary for a long moment before breaking out in reluctant chuckles and hand claps, "You're becoming like me, all devious and maniacal. Congrats, Geronimo." _

"_What's with the Geronimo," he asked, the tips of his ears turning bright red. _

"_I snuck into your office last week and saw pictures of you and some random fat woman with the name Geronimo inscribed below your pudgy face," Alex explained between chortles. "You are just too easy, you know that?" _

"_And you are just too immature for a twenty-four year old," Gary countered gruffly. "Now get back to your wonderful assistant, Alex," he ordered, patting her back with a smirk. _

"_Whatever," Alex conceded with a groan, stomping back to her office and arranging a pleasant demeanor before re-entering. _

_Amanda sat cross-legged on her desk, fiddling with a pair of scissors, "'Sup, boss?"_

"_I haven't hired you yet," Alex pointed out, shoving the girl off her desk, "and don't call me boss. It makes me feel old." She shivered with the thought of a wrinkled, ancient lady. _

"_So does that mean I got the job?" Amanda insisted, pursing her plump, pink lips pleadingly. _

"_The face doesn't work on me," Alex commented wryly, "but I guess you're hired. One rule, though."_

_Instantly Amanda had turned to ask what that rule was, "What –"_

"_Don't speak," Alex scolded, stroking the blade of the scissors she had snatched from her assistant. "The rule is…you can't wear pink. I detest pink." _

_Amanda's eyes got really wide and Alex laughed at the sight. Maybe this whole assistant deal wouldn't be so bad after all. _

* * *

"Look, I don't want to say this in front of the other employees, but…you're my favorite," Gary said with a slight tugging of the lips upward.

"Now why am I not surprised?" She asked, wishing that just for one she could laugh, carefree, but so much had gone on and it seemed like all the joy had been **sapped from the earth**.

"You're so full of yourself," her boss commented, ruffling her dark brown hair as he paced jerkily.

"Don't I know it," she answered dully, regret flickering briefly across her face.

"Anyways, I guess…it wouldn't hurt to give you a small raise," Gary conceded with a sigh.

Her eyes lit up, "Really? But I thought –"

"I'm doing this for Jamie," he snapped, turning away from her with heaving shoulders. "That kid needs to have a decent life and he's sure as hell not experiencing stability right now!"

She bit back a sharp retort, "Look, I'm doing the best I can!" Tears flooded her eyes but they wouldn't fall. She still had some shred of decency left.

"Well, your best is not enough," Gary said straight-forwardly. "Jamie needs to be in a home with two parents, enough food and a safe atmosphere!"

"He _is_ safe with me," she argued tremulously. "It's not like I do drugs or go out and sell my body!"

Gary's eyes softened at her outburst, "I know you love him, but sometimes you just have to _let go_."

_Sometimes you just have to let go. __**Sometimes you just have to let go.**_Damn, those words hurt.

"I've been letting go my whole life," she whispered. "I can't give up my son, too." Twisting she headed for the door.

"I'll send the money immediately to your account. Think about what I said," Gary responded tersely before waving her off.

Fighting back tears, she fled from the office, heading towards her car and towards the only person who hadn't abandoned her yet. Her son, Jamie.

_Sometimes you just have to let go. _

* * *

_Sixteen year old Alex Russo watched her brother leave the sub station with his beloved girlfriend and soul-mate, Juliet. _

_Her heart hurt watching them nuzzle noses. It hurt like knives were stabbing her heart over and over again without mercy. _

"_It doesn't matter to me. I love Mason," Alex whispered under her breath._

"_My beautiful Alex," Mason chimed as he entered the sub station, the door swinging open to allow passage to Justin and Juliet. _

_So, as expected by everyone else, Alex flung her arms around Mason and kissed him, missing the spark that once accompanied the touching of their lips. _

_Her eyes never left Justin as he linked hands with Juliet, smiling happily in his girlfriend's direction. _

_**Sometimes you just have to let go. **_

_**:.:.**_

_Alex stood outside of her brother's bedroom door, watching him pack in preparation for his departure to Wiztech tomorrow morning. _

_One part of her heart wanted her to go in there and beg him to stay but her more rational side reminded her that this…thing…would always be forbidden. _

_He was __**forbidden**__ to her. _

"_Alex?" He'd spotted her and he wasn't happy; this much she could tell by his impatient tone of voice. _

_Resisting the urge to run away from Justin she stepped into the dazzling light, revealing her puffy, red eyes. Neither of them spoke. _

"_You're leaving." Finally, she stated the obvious. _

"_Yes," Justin replied evenly, averting his gaze from his little sister. He couldn't let her see the pain sparkling in his eyes. _

"_It's wrong." Both of them whispered those two words at the same time, unheard to each other. _

_They both wanted to believe that they could deny the truth __**forever**__, because it was __**wrong **__and __**forbidden**__ and they just couldn't do that to each other. _

"_You promised me that you'd never leave," Alex rehearsed quietly, tears gathering in her defensive gaze. "You said that you loved me too much to leave, ever." _

"_I love you like a sibling, Alex," Justin snarled, pushing past all the rest of the words and responding appropriately. _

_Neither of them wanted to speak the words that would sent the barriers __**crumbling down**__. _

"_You can't go," Alex choked out, a tear slipping down her cheek. _

"_I have to," Justin argued, refusing to look at her, knowing that if he did he would break apart completely. He couldn't do that to his own little sister._

_Another long moment passed in which both siblings prepared themselves for the last word._

_Finally, Alex whispered, "Goodbye, Justin." Her tone was laced with hurt and she stepped away before he could say a word in protest. _

_Once she was gone Justin allowed the tears to slip down his cheeks, "I love you too much to destroy your life, Alex." _

_If only he knew she'd been standing outside his shadowed doorway and heard those words. They pierced her heart and healed the gash all at once._

_He was __**forbidden**__. This was so __**wrong**__. And so very, __**very tantalizing**__. _

_And it scared her beyond belief. _

**Sometimes you just have to let go.**

* * *

She somehow managed to catch the bus headed towards the outskirts of town, her head crashing against the fogged window pane as the vehicle sped along. Years ago she would have scoffed at the idea of inhabiting an apartment far outside of urban life but her husband always had loved the outdoors.

Her husband had softened her personality in many ways – he had acted as a soothing balm for her fiery temper and sporadic creativity. With his help she had transitioned from an immature teenager into a civilized adult.

A ghost of a smile traced her lips as she remembered the first day she had met him.

* * *

_Fifteen year old Alex Russo lounged onto the living room couch, the remote clutched in her chocolate encrusted hand. Slight marks from numerous hickeys lined her neck, hidden only by her recently straightened black hair._

"_Skipping school again?" Justin assumed as he entered the living room from downstairs, heading to make himself a mid day healthy snack. _

"_Something like that," Alex muttered in little above a hiss._

_Justin paused to take another look at his sister's appearance, frowning as he took in how she was dressed. His little sister never bothered to dress up unless she was headed out in public or she was seeing her boyfriend Riley (yes she found him again…it's an on-and-off thing) and considering that she was lounging on their couch in the middle of a school day made absolutely no sense, "You alright?"_

"_Why wouldn't I be?" she asked, biting her lower lip and wincing as she fluffed her hair. _

_Justin's eyes widened as he spotted a hickey mark on the side of neck and a darkening bruise right next to it, "because you look as aggravated as you were when you had Harper's brain inside your head."_

_There was a weighty pause and then Alex whispered, "I'm fine, besides, my life is none of your business." She got up, preparing to make her exit before her older brother could suspect anything. _

"_Go to school, Alex," Justin ordered quietly, her earlier words stinging horribly. _

"_I don't want to," she responded, not bothering to look at him. _

"_Then something must be wrong," the male stated confidently, grabbing a cheese stick from the back of the fridge. _

"_Nothing's wrong!" Alex snapped, crossing her arms. _

"_Then you won't mind going to school," Justin insisted, rising his eyebrows as he eyed his little sister. _

_She knew he had her cornered, "Fine, I'll go to school. Happy?"_

"_Very much so," he replied with a grin. _

_With an audible curse Alex transported herself right outside of her high school, looking around to make sure that Riley wasn't there before heading towards her locker. Suddenly someone collided with her, sending them both sprawling to the ground, "What the hell is your problem!" _

"_I'm so sorry," a young guy of about her age apologized profusely, stretching out his hand, "I'm Robby Newman, a junior here." _

_Alex ignored the intended hand shake, "Alex Russo, troublemaker, sophomore and pretty much any belligerent term you can come up with. If you trip me again…ah, forget it. I'm not in the mood to threaten the student population." She chuckled wryly._

"_Boyfriend troubles?" Robby guessed. _

"_How did you…?" She didn't bother finishing the question. "You're right but I'll deal with it." _

_Robby nodded sympathetically, "Well, good luck breaking up with him." _

"_Who said I was breaking up with him?" Alex snapped defensively, hugging her books to her chest as she approached her locker. _

"_You just have the look of someone who's breaking up with her boyfriend," the boy explained, running a hand through his dark brown hair, his green eyes sparkling. _

"_Ah, well I'm not breaking up with him." Alex plugged in her combination and promptly dumped her school books into her locker and pulled out a giant pretzel. _

_Robby's eyebrows rose, "Don't you need those schoolbooks for, uh…studying?" _

"_Me study?" she scoffed and let out another laugh. "Hah, good one." Then she took a huge bite of her salty treat. _

_The bell rang just as she finished her laughing fit. _

"_I should get off to class. It was nice meeting you!" Robby waved goodbye and then joined the throng of students milling towards their classrooms. _

"_Later," Alex mumbled before taking another bite of her pretzel and smiling contentedly. _

* * *

Her right hand drifted unconsciously towards her throat where the bruise marks and hickeys used to linger, her fingers gently stroking the scarred skin there. With that move came thoughts of her old boyfriend, Riley.

Her head craned up, making sure she had enough time to divulge back into memories. Knowing her, she would manage to fall asleep and then get stuck on the bus until she reached the coastline; she was, technically, speaking from experience, considering she'd had sleeping-coastline adventure three times already.

"Um, excuse me," she signaled the driver. "When do we hit 2nd street?"

"In about ten minutes," the driver called back, a crooked smile creeping onto his face. She gave him a little wave of thanks before leaning against the dirty window.

Yes, things had started fine with her first boyfriend, Riley, back such a long time ago it was difficult to remember the details.

* * *

_Fourteen year old Alex lounged against the countertop of the sub-shop, picking at a hangnail as she supposedly waited on customers. _

"_Hija, how is everything going?" Theresa called from the meat locker/ wizard lair. _

"_Fine…great," Alex chuckled for extra emphasis. "I am doing such a fantastic job."_

"_You mean there's no customers and you're sitting there doing nothing," her mother filled in intuitively. _

_Swallowing hard, Alex mumbled, "Why do you always assume the worst with me?" _

"_Because, honey, let's face it. You have absolutely no desire to go anywhere in life," Theresa remarked with a sigh, appearing to eye her daughter. _

"_I do too." Alex pretended to be offended. "I have the desire to steal Max's cash, which is all the way upstairs and then walk, slowly mind you, to the nearest vending machine. Need I go on?" She ended with a ta-da smile. _

_Theresa nodded, as if actually considering the possibility and then, patting Alex's shoulder, she stated, "Well, we love you anyways. Thanks for not trying." _

"_You're so welcome," the brunette answered, laughing once more as she reached for a sugar packet and emptying the calories onto her tongue. _

"_Well, because you're so…busy doing nothing, why don't you take this spray bottle and rag and clean the counters?" Theresa handed her daughter the supplies indicated and flashed a 'you'd better do it' smile before heading back to cut up ham. _

_With a tremendous sigh Alex grabbed the spray bottle, sprayed it once on a little patch of counter and then wiped that tiny patch quickly. "Done," she whispered just as the bell rang over the door, announcing a customer. _

_She looked up, only to be momentarily dazzled. The guy looked to be a year or two older than her with shoulder length, mouse brown hair and chocolate brown eyes and a firm jaw. He wore a blue and green striped t-shirt and cropped beige shorts with scuffled tennis shoes. _

"_Hi, welcome to the Waverly Sub Station. Would you like to try our Black Forest Ham and blah…blah…I could care less about what I'm saying…blah…blah and can I help you, sir?" She gave the customer a huge wattage grin. _

"_Alex, could you at least pretend to care about the customer?" Justin remarked sourly as he headed from the stairwell to the front door, probably going to meet Zeke. _

"_I would, but then I'd be a loser like you," she retorted sharply, quickly turning back to smirk at the customer. She missed the sad little glance Justin shot her way before leaving. _

"_Look, I don't have time for your stupid little antics," the customer hissed, running a calloused hand through his hair. Somehow that only made him look hotter. _

"_Okay…" she whispered, dazed for a second, before recuperating and snapping back, "I don't appreciate the attitude!" _

"_Why are you acting like such a bitch?" the customer swore heatedly._

_Alex's eyes widened and filled with hurt but she quickly hid it, "Look, you may as well get lost because I'm certainly not going to take your psychotic personality disorder." and with that she turned to head back towards her mother. _

"_Psychotic personality…what are you talking about?" _

"_Look it up!" She stated coldly before walking away just as Justin came back in. He managed to catch the hurt in his little sister's eyes and turned, furious, towards the rude customer. _

_The customer gave the brunette a chin up and wheeled to go, "'Sup?" _

"_Don't give me that!" Justin said in a chilling voice. "If you dare hurt my sister again I swear I'll rip you apart." His voice never raised above a haunting whisper but Alex, resting against the doorframe near the kitchen, shivered part with fright. _

"_What is up with your delusional family?" and with that the guy left the shop, shaking his head. _

"_Are you okay?" Justin asked his sister immediately and for once Alex gave into her impulse and fell into his arms. She didn't cry but she did shudder for several moments. _

"_Yeah, I'm fine." She said finally. "That dude was just being an asshole." She waited for Justin to tell her not to swear but it never came._

"_Well, we won't have to deal with him ever again," Justin comforted her, his face drooping slightly as she pulled out of his embrace. _

"_Thank God for that," Alex muttered, kneading her forehead, totally unaware of the irony they had just set up. _

_._

_Three days later Alex hovered over a European history test, her mind swimming with possible answers. Being her, she hadn't bothered to study and now had to resort to a spell to help her achieve at least a C+._

"_How's it going, sourpuss?" an all too familiar voice crooned from right behind her and she turned to see the last person she ever wanted to meet again. _

"_You," she hissed quietly, glaring needles at the horrid customer from several days ago. "I don't ever want to talk to you again."_

"_Alex and Riley, please be silent while taking your quiz or I'll report you to Mr. Laritate." Ms. Rossdale threatened. _

"_Alex, huh? I didn't peg you for that sort of name," Riley whispered into her neck, his breath chilling. _

"_Leave me alone, Riley," she breathed angrily, her fingers clenching as he leaned even closer. _

"_Well, I thought…we could get to know each other," he suggested with a little chuckle. _

"_Leave me alone, Riley!" Alex shouted so the whole classroom could hear. _

"_Miss Russo, pack your things and head to the principal's office," Ms. Rossdale said, pointing her finger at the door. _

"_Yeah, yeah, whatever," Alex mumbled, gathering her stuff and packing it all into her bag before heading out. She could feel Riley's eyes on her the whole time. _

_A minute later she tapped on Mr. Laritate's door, a casual smirk on her lips, "Hey, bossman, cattle-roper." _

"_What did you do this time?" Mr. Laritate asked with a sigh, beckoning her in. _

"_I yelled at a creepy student during a test," Alex admitted without any shame, heading over to make them some coffee. "Two sugars?" _

"_Yes please," he accepted, tapping his chin thoughtfully. "How was this student creepy?"_

_Adding a dollop of milk to both their cups she handed Mr. Laritate his, "I don't really want to talk about it." _

_His eyebrows furrowed, "You almost sound like you're scared of this creeper." _

"_Psh, no," she denied, shaking her head stubbornly. "The only thing I'm scared of is…good children." She shuddered at the topic. _

"_What happened, Alex?" _

_She hesitated, "Fine. He said he wanted to know me better, I shot him down, the teacher busted me and here I am. End of story." She flipped her dark hair back and took a sip of her steaming coffee. _

"_You would tell me if something was seriously wrong, right?" Mr. Laritate interrogated. _

_She turned to glance at him with another Cheshire cat smirk, "Do you not trust me?" _

"_Nobody trusts you," he deadpanned. _

"_True enough," Alex conceded, stirring her coffee as her mind traveled back to the color of Riley's eyes. He acted like he was the hunter and she was his prey and he wouldn't stop until he caught her. The thought made her shiver slightly. _

_._

_Several weeks later Alex was at her locker when Riley pressed himself next to her, "Hey, sourpuss." _

"_Why do you insist on bothering me?" She asked tightly. _

"_Because it's so much fun, making you writhe as you try to run away." He paused to lick his lips and attempt to touch her but she flinched away. "Think about it this way, Alexandra. I'm the cat and you're the mouse, except you're tied to a string and I hold the string. You can't run forever." _

"_It's Alex and I'm not running because I'm not interested in you," she stated brusquely._

"_Why not try one date with me, Alex? Then you could decide if you really, truly despise me," he suggested, lifting his eyebrows. _

_She didn't even pause, "I would _never_ go on a date with you, not in a million years, not ever." _

_Alex could have sworn he almost looked hurt but he hid it quickly, "You'll change your mind, Russo, I know it." _

_Lifting her chin Alex stared right at him, "Go away, Riley." _

_With a barely visible flinch Riley detached himself from the locker, "Fine, I'll go away, but not for long. You'll be mine sooner or later. Sweet dreams, sourpuss." And with that he was gone and she was left with a constricted chest. _

_._

_Two months later Alex was walking home from school when Riley fell into step beside her, "Hey, Russo." _

"_I thought I told you to go away and leave me alone," Alex stated coldly, wrapping her arms around herself as the wind bit into her skin. _

"_Are you cold?" He asked and before she could say anything else he wrapped his coat around her shoulders. _

"_Thanks," she answered stiffly, biting her lip as they continued walking. _

"_Look, I'm sorry for being such a jerk," he apologized softly, trying to touch her shoulder and sighing when she pulled away. "I guess I'm just used to the popular crowd and I didn't know how to act around a beautiful girl like you."_

_She absolutely refused to let his soft words touch her, "You didn't act like a popular jerk. You acted like a psychotic serial killer and I already told you that I don't want to talk to you anymore." _

"_Fine, we won't talk, we'll just walk together then," he commented with a laugh, pretending to zip his mouth shut._

"_Why me?" Alex asked several minutes later as they neared the sub shop. "Why, out of all the girls, did you choose me?" _

_He didn't respond and she turned to see him still pretending to have locked his lips together. _

"_Stop acting stupid and answer my question," she demanded harshly. _

_There was a long pause and then finally he simply said, "You're different then those other girls. It's a good, special different." _

_They reached the sub shop and Alex pulled away from him, "Well maybe you should set your sight on another girl." _

"_I don't want to," he responded cheekily. "So, can I at least be your friend?"_

_She didn't answer at first and finally muttered through clenched teeth, "You're my acquaintance and nothing more and you will never be anything more." _

"_Got it. Later Russo!" He smiled at her and, to his credit, didn't pursue any physical contact before walking away._

_She watched him for a long time and suddenly remembered that she still had his coat, "Riley, your coat!" She waved it in the air and couldn't stop a smile as he dashed back over. _

"_Thanks, I would have forgotten it," he said before grabbing it from her. "I would say that you could keep it as a memento but you would probably take it the wrong way so I won't." _

"_Smart choice," she complimented weakly, smirking goodbye and staring at him as he left, remembering the heady scent of the coat…__**his scent**__. Then she headed inside. _

"_Who was that?" Justin asked as soon as she entered the sub shop, inhaling the comforting scent of stale buns and burning ham. _

"_Riley, an acquaintance from school," she answered simply, tugging off her long sleeved shirt and leaving it in a heap on one of the tables. _

_Justin clucked disapprovingly and picked up her shirt, draping it over his shoulder and unconsciously inhaling her beautiful scent, "Isn't that the customer that harassed you?" _

"_Yeah, but he's nice now," she defended Riley weakly, glancing up at her older brother and noticing the concern in his deep brown eyes. "Don't worry about me…I'll be fine, Justin." _

"_I know you can handle things on your own but I don't want you to have to handle them all by yourself," Justin admitted, drawing Alex into a quick hug, his lips pressing against her brow before they pulled apart. _

"_You sound like mom," Alex noticed, smirking up at him and trying to diminish his fears. "But if it makes your nerdish little brain feel any better then I promise not to date Riley, ever." _

_Justin sighed, obviously draining stress from his body, "Thanks, Alex." They just smiled at one another for a long moment before heading off in respective directions. _

* * *

"Mrs. Newman, we're at 2nd street," the driver announced and she jolted from her thoughts, matting her dark hair down before gathering her things and stepping off the bus.

"Thanks, Jon," she said warmly, waving at the driver and passengers as the bus prepared to take off.

"It's always a pleasure," Jon replied with a tip of his Brewers hat before pulling the vehicle into first gear. With a rattle of rusty bolts and a release of fumes the bus was off, taking other people to their respective destinations.

Taking in a slow breath she took the time to glance around at her surroundings, something she never would have done before she married Robert. Ever since the beginning of college she'd ridden this bus around town to visit friends and get groceries from the nearest market and the habit hadn't shaken off. Even though she lived in the country now she still rode this bus as far as possible before dismounting.

She really had missed Jon and the bus while off at college, she mused as she waited for the crosswalk sign to flash green. She'd missed a lot of things while at college and yet the change had helped her move on from her devastating past and grow into her new body.

A woman selling strawberries waved hello, "How are you today?"

"Hi, Risa. I'm doing well; actually I'm on my way to pick up Jamie right now," she explained.

"Tell him I said hi," Risa pleaded with a sweet smile.

"I surely will. How much for a package of strawberries?" she asked, determined to help her friend even in the smallest of amounts.

"For you…$3.99," Risa offered the cheap deal and she quickly snatched up a fresh batch of strawberries.

The strawberries, with their seedy flesh and rippling juices beneath, reminded her of simpler days, much simpler days.

* * *

"_Justin, hurry up," six year old Alex cried, tugging along her brother as she weaved through the strawberry patches, "I have to show you this before mom and dad notice we're missing." _

"_We're going to be in so much trouble," Justin moaned but allowed his little sister to drag him away. _

"_Live a little," she advised, randomly kissing his hand and giggling as he blushed scarlet._

"_What did you do that for?" he asked, still blushing fiercely. _

"_I felt like it," she remarked with a shrug that meant she didn't think anything of the gesture. _

"_Well you can't do that anymore…it's wrong." Justin hated telling her this because she clearly didn't understand it yet. Even he didn't totally get it but the picture was beginning to form._

_Alex ignored him as usual, "Look, we're here." She disappeared into a hollow haystack and he followed, noticing how the strawberry vines wrapped themselves through the pale stalks, little patches of strawberry peeping through the hay. _

_They both sat on the earth and relaxed into the dirt, just looking at each other in a comfortable manner._

"_Isn't this cool?" Alex asked suddenly, resting her head on his chest and listening to his heartbeat as they lay there. _

"_Yes, but we really need to get back." He tried getting up but she pushed him back down. _

"_Relax and enjoy this. It's sunny out there and shady here and it's nice and I like it so I'm staying," she pouted, her lower lip sliding out as she gazed across at his brooding expression._

_Justin groaned, "But Mom said I couldn't leave you alone. This isn't fair!" _

"_It is too fair. You always drag me to your nerd festivals and now it's my turn so you just have to deal with it," she insisted firmly, kissing his hand again and momentarily shutting him up. _

_She rested her head back down on his chest and cradled his hand against her stomach, giggling as he massaged the tender skin there. Suddenly she felt his heartbeat accelerate and looked at him, "Why does your heart get fast like that?"_

_He flushed again, "Because you're so close to me."_

"_But I don't have cooties," she frowned, "so there's nothing wrong."_

_He wanted to tell her what was so wrong about this but he just couldn't do it. Not when she wore that pleading, puppy dog face, "I don't know, Alexa."_

_Her nose scrunched, "Why do people call me Alexandra? I don't like it." _

"_Well that's your name, so you'll just have to live with it." Justin kissed the crown of her head and winced when her heartbeat didn't accelerate. Was it just him that experienced these sickening feelings? _

"_I guess I like it when you call me Alexa," she compromised, snuggling closer to his warmth. _

"_So why won't you let Mom and Dad call you that?" He asked with yet another frown. _

"_Because…" she paused, as if searching for the right words, "only you can call me that. Only you, Justin."_

_**Only you, Justin. Only you, Justin. Only you, Justin. **_

"_Oh," was all he said but Alex didn't seem to notice his stuttering. _

_Picking a strawberry Alex bit into the sweet fruit, "I…like…straw…berries." Her lips pursed, stained with the crimson juice and Justin swallowed hard, wiping it all away until there were no traces left. _

"_I like strawberries too," he stuttered, squeezing his eyes shut and wishing that it was time to go already. This was torture and pure bliss all at once but he just couldn't risk it. _

_**Only…you…Justin. **_

* * *

Turning the corner she nearly ran into a bushel of college students, her sleeves brushing their shoulders. She shot them a tight smile as they sputtered and then walked away, clutching their textbooks and others dumping them in worn satchels.

"Was I that rude as a college kid?" she mused, shaking her head and biting into one of the strawberries. It didn't taste the same as it had so many years ago, all ripe and fuzzy, but it still was delicious in its own way.

Turning another corner she eyed several college advertisements posted on bulletin boards and pasted on grimy windows. It wasn't that surprising to see these flyers at this time of year – fall was in full thrust with leaves trailing down tree trunks and leaving their branches bare – and the fact that it was a small town made the act common.

Crossing the street she spotted the Sunnyside Daycare and her steps quickened, her thoughtful countenance lightening. She would be able to pick up her son any minute now and words couldn't even describe how much she'd missed him.

And still thoughts of college lurked in her mind.

* * *

"_Can I come in?" Eighteen year old Alex asked quietly, knocking on the ajar sub-shop door. Her dull brown eyes connected for the first time in months with her mother._

"_Why?" Theresa muttered, reaching for her apron. _

"_I got a new apartment and figured I'd better get all my stuff now," Alex answered simply. "I'll be quick and then I won't bother you ever again." _

_There was a pause and then Theresa nodded, "Fine…go on up." _

_Twenty minutes later found Alex seated on her floor and packing her things into a navy suitcase, purposely ignoring the loud leopard-print duffel in the closet. Seeing as she'd given up magic when she'd exposed wizardry years ago she had to do this the mortal way. _

"_So what college are going to?" Alex started, not realizing that her mother had been standing in the doorway for the past several minutes. _

"_I'm not going to college," the young woman answered simply, biting her lower lip as her fingers closed around a picture of her and Justin two years ago at his graduation ceremony. Even the picture sent __**waves of despair**__ coursing through her and her whole body began to shake. _

"_Why not?" Theresa wondered, her eyebrows rising. _

_Shrugging, Alex said, "I just can't handle it. Not right now, not for a long, long time. Besides, we all knew I would never go anywhere in life." She acted dismissive about the matter but if someone looked closely they could see the intense hurt __brewing below the surface__._

"_If this is about your brother…" Theresa choked on the words, clearly still against talking about that subject, "then I would suggest you go to college far away. It will help you forget faster." _

_Alex said nothing. _

"_I think Justin…" both women flinched at his name, "would want you to move on."_

_Alex __**froze**__, but still kept her mouth shut. _

"_This can't possibly be good for you. You have to move on and forget otherwise you might never have a husband or a family or anything good in life and –"_

"_What if I don't want to forget?" Alex snarled, refusing to face her mother. "I will __**never**__ move on from this so why can't you just __**accept me the way I am**__?" Tears budded in the corners of her eyes but she refused to let them spill._

_Both women froze, time ticked along sluggishly and then Alex turned away to continue her packing, "Just forget it."_

"_I'm trying, hija," Theresa finally whispered before closing the door behind her and heading down to stack the cold-cuts. _

_Alex collapsed to the ground, forcing back tears as she held the picture of her and her brother tightly in her two hands, nearly __**splintering the glass**__, "What did we do, Justin?" _

_At least her brother had the sense to move on with his life. Why did she have to be the one with all the emotional baggage and the refusal to let any of it go? Why couldn't she just forget the way her heart fluttered when he smiled and how they'd fit together perfectly their one night together? Why did they make this terrible mistake in the first place? _

_She couldn't answer any of her questions and the worst part was that she didn't regret their mistake and she __**probably never would**__. _

.

"_I'm going to college," she announced abruptly to Justin as the two randomly strolled the streets several weeks later. After giving the matter much thought she finally decided that her mom was right and she had to __**move on**__. _

_Justin looked surprised but that was expected, "Really? That's great." He didn't sound ecstatic about it, however. _

"_I guess I finally decided to go somewhere in life," she said with a flat chuckle, eyeing her brother wistfully. At first she'd thought she could never bear to be around him after their break up but she quickly discovered she __**treasured**__ his presence and guidance. _

_Now they went about life in a vicious cycle: they avoided each other during the day and then snuck away to be by themselves at night, just talking. It was sort of a hopeless Romeo & Juliet masquerade. (Except in their life there seemed to be no happy ending…__none whatsoever__.)_

"_Well, I'm happy for you," Justin murmured, tousling her hair in a fond sibling gesture but for them it was always __**something more**__. _

"_Are you really?" Their gazes locked in a __**silent battle**__ and she picked out the worry in his eyes. _

"_Yeah…I mean, I want you to be happy and obviously getting a degree will establish you with the necessary prerequisites for a comfortable lifestyle." The words came out deliberate and spaced. _

"_Will you stop with the textbook answer and just speak from your heart for once?" she begged, linking their fingers and swishing her thumb over his skin. _

_He pulled away from the gesture immediately, only reminding her that they could no longer be together. __Those words hurt more than she could have ever possibly imagined. _

"_I'm speaking as the role of your brother," he rehashed slowly, stepping another foot away. "I hope you succeed in life." _

_Alex felt her throat tighten, "Will you even miss me?" _

_Justin's gaze softened as he saw the tears sparkling in her mocha orbs __but he couldn't just give in__, "Of course I'll miss my little sister." _

_**Of course I'll miss my little sister. **__She hated the words, loathed them with a passion that send her heart aflame. _

"_I have to go," she stated abruptly, spinning on her heels and preparing to rush back inside to the comfort of her bedroom and back to the __consistent ache of loneliness__ that would only amplify once she left in a matter of days._

"_Alex," Justin whispered suddenly, his voice filled with as much emotion as their single night together. She turned to look at him and discovered she __**couldn't move**__. _

"_Will you miss me?" she repeated softly, longing to kiss him just once, but she couldn't and she __**never would**__ again. _

"_More than you will ever know," Justin answered, pulling her into a secure hug and kissing her forehead. After several lingering moments they drew apart. _

_She __**refused **__to say goodnight, __**wouldn't dare**__ think that this was one last day with her brother and one day closer to her departure. And so, giving him the gift of a smile she went inside._

.

_Two weeks later the dreaded day arrived and Alex shoved the last of her bags into the trunk of her BMW. Her entire family was inside sleeping; she'd said goodbye to those who were still talking to her over the past couple days and had decided to leave alone. _

_And that's when she saw him perched in her room, looking out her window at her as she pulled out her keys. His lips pursed and tears streamed down his cheeks and his eyes were burning. More than anything she wanted to rush inside and fall into his arms and kiss away his tears but now was the time to give up. _

_**Let go**__. The words swirled around her mind, forcing a dim smile onto her face. She had to cut her brother loose in the hopes that they would both discover new lives and new people to love. _

_**Love. **__Now why had she thought of that? Over the past several months she'd been attempted to tell herself that the feelings she held for her brother - __those atrocious, abominable feelings__ – were only infatuation and __would eventually fade__ with time and distance. _

"_Goodbye, Justin," she whispered under her breath as she climbed into the driver's seat and wiggled the key in the ignition. The engine roared as it was awakened and with a last glance backwards at her __**shattering past**__ Alex disappeared onward to a new life with no family, no best friend and certainly no Justin. _

_**Especially no Justin**__. _

* * *

The sign of the daycare flickered on and off; the I in Sunny-Hill sat dull and lifeless, leaving the people who passed by to their vulgar imaginations.

She pressed on past another group of college students, trying to ignore the stabbing pains in her heart every time her shoulder brushed against their backpacks and warm skin, reminding her of those sluggish, practically hopeless days when at times she wondered what the point was playing a charade anymore.

Wearily ascending the cobblestone steps (one…two…three, just like Goldilocks and the Three Bears, although the third step didn't feel just right) she pushed open the door and began heading up yet another flight of stairs to reach her child. Her shoulder still burned from where it had touched the lad's backpack and it made her heart swell in its cavern.

* * *

_Nineteen year old Alex folded her body into a tiny alcove in the west wing of her college English department, grumbling as she flipped the Scarlett Letter to page 87 and attempted to make sense of the weaving words. But they all __**blurred together**__; all the words, punctuation and footnotes faded into an irritating nothingness that sent her head __**buzzing**__. _

"_Who even cares about adultery anyways?" she grumbled, avoiding the fact that she'd totally just slandered a public dilemma. _

"_Why are you mumbling about unfaithful couples to yourself?" a strangely familiar voice wondered and Alex looked up to meet the familiar face of Robby Newman, her old acquaintance from high school. _

"_Robby?" she mumbled in a dazed voice, craning her neck up so she could get a good look at him._

"_It's Robert now," he replied matter-of-factly, seating himself right beside her. _

"_Oh." With that she turned her attention back to her book, sighing melodramatically as the words blurred once more. _

"_Is something wrong?" he asked, catching a glance at the title of her book. "Isn't the Scarlett Letter just captivating?" _

"_No," she grumbled, resting her head on her bent knees. "It's boring and has a bunch of big words with no pictures." _

"_Oh the horrors," Robert teased, nudging her leg and pausing as he noticed a book hidden behind her back. "What's that?"_

"_Nothing," Alex answered a little too quickly, her hair slapping her face as she turned to shove the book further behind her. "Absolutely nothing of importance." _

_Before she could react Robert had snatched the book from behind her back, eyebrows furrowing as he read the title, "Incest: What and Why?"_

_She flushed, "It's none of your business." Yanking the book from him she stowed it away in his backpack. "It's for a – a project in Sex Ed."_

_Robert's lips flattened, "We don't have a sexual education course." _

_Damn. Alex turned her head to the side, "Well, I was just curious. Is there a problem with that?"_

_He sighed, "I always knew; I saw you both and I didn't want to say anything. It's your brother, isn't it? You love your brother." _

_Robert was the first person to say those words without condemnation. Sure, he didn't sound happy about it, but who would? This was a step up from what Alex had experienced. _

_She looked up at him, tears shining in her eyes. Alex didn't want to cry about this but the pain of leaving Justin was still so fresh, "You can't tell anyone." _

_He nodded briskly, "I wouldn't dream of it. Would you allow me to escort you to lunch, madam?" He held out his hand, waiting for her response. _

_Alex felt a smile growing on her face, "I'd like that. But I'm not holding your hand." With a chuckle that sounded much more like her old self she got up and headed off with Robert._

* * *

She nudged open the door leading to the check-in station and unconsciously smiled as she heard children squealing and chuckling blocks in the adjacent room.

The woman at the front desk coughed, "Hello Ms. Newman. How are you today?"

"I'm pretty good," she replied politely. "How about yourself?"

The woman snorted, "Some days are better than others, but hey, that's life. You here to pick up Jamie?"

"Of course," she said, slipping into the next room and training her gaze instantly on her son. With dark brown hair that constantly obscured his jade eyes, five year old Jamie was the picture perfect copy of her husband. At times that caused a sense of **despondence** to drift in her thoughts because she would never see her husband again on this Earth and other times it made her **smile** that she could keep some part of her husband.

"Jamie," she crooned and the little boy's head shot up, eyes widening.

"Ma-ma?" The child called out and when he saw her he gave her a toothy grin. There were several teeth missing in the front, giving him the distinctive look of a hillbilly. "I miss you!"

"I missed you too, honey," she told him as he ran towards her on pudgy legs, scooping him up as soon as he got close enough. Motherhood surely had turned her into a fuzz-ball. "Did you have fun today?"

"Yep," he said, flinging his arms around her neck. "But Molly and Dan-al didn't wanna share da toys so I scwemed until da teacher come over and tell dem t' share. Den I took da toys and hid dem so on'y _I_ could play w'dem."

Inwardly she laughed, "Oh, Jamie; you surely are my son."

* * *

"_Have you ever thought about having children?" Robert asked Alex one afternoon when they were walking to her house after school. _

"_Robby, I'm only nineteen and a half," Alex informed him, smirking as he shivered at the use of his nickname. "I think that's a little too early to be thinking about children."_

_He shook his head, "I've seen eighteen year old mothers."_

_Alex choked on a laugh, "Yeah, because those chicks are –"_

_Robert cut her off, "You'd better not finish that sentence." _

_She sighed, "Fine, but I still don't want to think about having kids."_

"_Why not?" He wondered. _

_Alex __**froze**__ for the briefest second, her mind catapulting back to the hotel room when she and Justin had consummated their love for each other. Back then they hadn't been worried about having children, and yet now she was set adamantly against the idea._

"_Do you want to have your kids with Justin?" Robert asked in a tone she could have sworn was disappointed. _

_Alex unconsciously wound her arms around her chest to __**dull the ache**__, "We can't. With our shared DNA we would only mutilate our child's life."_

"_Is that what he told you?" Robert wondered._

_She didn't dignify an answer, only ducking her head. _

"_Well, he's right," Robert continued, patting Alex's back gently. "But, hey, you could always find someone else and –"_

_She exploded. "Don't you get it? I don't want to find someone else to have a kid with! All I wanted was to have a child with Justin but I have to grow up and face the reality that I can't!" Her eyes blurred. "__I could never think of loving someone else__." _

_Robert looked shocked for a moment and then he said, "Think positive. Maybe one day Justin will relent and you'll make a beautiful child." _

_Alex paused and then nudged his shoulder with her palm, "This is why I keep you around." Her tone still sounded __**flat**__ but she would rather change the subject than deal with the __**true source of her fear. **_

"_You know you love me," he teased. _

* * *

"Mommy, can we go buy ice-cweam?" Jamie asked and she couldn't help but chuckle as they exited the day-care center.

"Desert before dinner? Who taught you such atrocious manners," she teased, planting a gentle kiss on his cheek.

"Pweety please?" Jamie begged, sticking out his lower lip and linking his fingers together. He played the perfect saint.

She sighed, wondering if she should give into him. She herself had always enjoyed sneaking a pudding cup or piece of cake before dinner – it had been her favorite past-time before college.

"Fine." She caved when she saw his huge, green eyes, so much like his father's. She never could deny her late husband anything either. "But only single scoops, okay?"

"Otay," Jamie gave in, frowning as though he were being deprived of something huge.

She tickled him on his tummy and watched him start laughing – tickling was a surefire way to cheer up Jamie whenever he got in one of his moods – before telling him, "Quit the pouty face, mister. You should know by now you won't get any sympathy from me." Okay, so that was a lie, but Jamie didn't need to know that.

Jamie leaned up and kissed her nose, "I wuve you, mommy."

She found a silly grin creeping onto her face – Jamie was practically the only person who could make her so happy – and said, "I love you too. Now, what flavor ice cream do you want?"

"Ooh, cotton candy flavor with gummy bears!" Jamie exclaimed joyfully.

* * *

"_Alex!" Seventeen year old Justin came storming through the door. He stopped when he saw her lounging on the couch, pigging out on chocolate ice cream. _

"_What got your knickers in a twist?" She wondered, taking another bite of ice cream and smearing it all over her cheeks in the process. _

_Justin's nose scrunched up, "Why did you skip every period after lunch? As the valedictorian's sister you should be supporting me by exemplifying interest in school and not entertaining capricious habits." _

_Alex smirked, "You know I didn't understand a word you just said, right?" Then she took another bite of ice cream with an Oreo on top. _

"_Alex, pay attention!" Justin cried, trying to snatch her ice cream away from her. _

"_No, I don't think I will. Celebrities Underwater is having an epic marathon today and I want to see Kesha drown." To purposely aggravate him, Alex took a huge spoonful of ice cream and smudged it across her forehead. _

"_What are you doing?" He hissed through clenched teeth._

"_You know, chocolate ice cream actually makes a wonderful moisturizer," Alex commented lightly._

"_You're spilling on the couch," Justin whimpered. "And you know that I'll have to clean it up or Mom and Dad will blame me." _

"_Whoops." Alex purposely dropped her spoon on the couch and watched the fabric __**stain**__ dark brown. "Oh, that can't be good."_

"_ALEX!" Without thinking, Justin leapt for her container of ice cream and __**landed**__ on his sister in the process. She let out a yelp of pain at the sudden weight and accidentally smashed her ice cream against his head. Chocolate began seeping through his hair._

_Suddenly, both siblings realized __what an awkward situation they were in__. _

_Justin was lying practically on top of Alex, their hips pressed together and their arms and legs tangled horrifically. Heat began radiating through the younger sibling, both embarrassment that this was actually happening, and unbelievably__**, **__lust that they were laying so intimately close to each other. _

"_Get off of me," she hissed a moment later, eyes widening as his hips wiggled in an attempt to break free. The motion sent jolts of electricity rushing down her spine. "Justin, get _off_!" _

_Finally, after more uncomfortable wiggling, the elder boy untangled himself from his sister's limbs and sat up, breathing much heavier than he should have been. _

_Seeing that the situation could potentially turn even more awkward, Alex wailed, "Just great; you ruined a perfectly good bowl of ice cream!"_

_And with that she rushed away from him, her cheeks aflame. _

* * *

"Jamie, what would you like for dinner?" She asked her son as they walked towards their apartment, both slurping their ice creams.

She had chosen vanilla – the safe color; no sense messing with danger.

"I'm fuwl, mamma," Jamie answered gleefully, patting his bulging stomach.

"Oh no you aren't," she answered, patting the other side of his stomach. "There's your second stomach, right there."

Jamie look bemused, "I have two stomachs?" He held up three fingers.

"Well of course," she lied with a chuckle, pushing down one of his fingers. "Cows have more than one stomach, so why not you?"

"Wow, I got a two stomacks!" Jamie cheered. "Can yoo make spag-eti and nood'ls?"

"With my secret sauce?" She asked him in a mock serious tone.

"Of cowrse." Jamie answered like it was obvious.

"Alright then, little man." She looked down to fumble in her purse for her keys. "Spaghetti and noodles with secret sauce it is."

"Mama, who's dat?" Jamie asked, and, preparing to see one of their neighbors – probably the Richmonds (they were psychotic about keeping leaves on your own property) – she looked up.

Familiar chocolate eyes met hers – the eyes that haunted her nightmares and completed her dreams. Eyes she'd never expected to see again, even though she'd invited him here in the first place. She'd never expected him to actually show up.

"Justin," she breathed.

* * *

**So I added this and they'll be one more part. I thought about it and figured that I didn't like the way I'd ended the first chapter and decided to continue. Sorry for leaving such a cliffhanger :D**


	3. three

******..:Our Hope Endures:...**

_-part three-_

**There's always the moment when, as an author, you read through your old stories and realize that you forgot to finish one. Then you remember that you lost inspiration for it, but feel guilty at the thought of leaving a cliffhanger; it is such a disappointment for readers. Anyways, ima back to finish this, I _swear_.**

* * *

"Justin?"

He looked different, and yet remarkably the same. His jaw, angled, the beginning of a stubble - she'd always hated feeling against her lips - growing. His shoulders, not so wimpy as they used to be, standing tall and proud - like one of his action figures. Those eyes, still storm clouds, trying to be guarded in her presence. But he failed, like usual.

She felt Jamie's hand tugging on her pant leg.

"One second," she whispered down at her son, taking his hand in hers and squeezing. Then, she looked back up at her brother, a smirk sliding onto her face. "I've gotta say, didn't think you were going to show up."

Justin smiled, but it was flat, "You know I always keep my promises."

"Not always." The barb was barely concealed. "Would you like to come in? I'm making spaghetti for Jamie."

"Um, sure," Justin mumbled awkwardly, waiting for her to fish her keys out of her purse. "Should I leave my shoes outside, or -"

"I'm not Mom," she snapped, tugging Jamie into the house and trying to rein in her emotions. "You can do what you want."

* * *

_"I already told you, Alex," Justin spat, "you can't do this."_

_"Does the fact that I've saved the world mean nothing?" Alex shot right back at him, tugging on his arm desperately as the black hole surged in the middle of the floor. She winced as it tore through the green couch Harper had picked out, slightly relieved that the horrid thing was gone. _

_"Well, obviously that means nothing, since even though you supposedly defeated Gorog he's back now." Justin flung his hands back, bracing himself against the countertop. Alex felt her breath hitch as practically her whole body came to rest against his strong back. She could feel all his muscles. _

_Alex hummphed, "You act like you weren't there. If I do recall, I saved you." _

_Justin's only answer was to turn bright red. _

_"That's what I thought," Alex said with a indignant sniff, her eyes darkening slightly. "You treat me like I can't do a thing." _

_"Maybe it's because you act like you're six," Justin retorted, breathing heavily through his nostrils as he tried to banish the red flush creeping across his forehead. _

_Alex froze slightly, and it was obvious he'd hurt her. Normally she would snap at him, but instead she peeled his hand off the counter and took a step towards the black hole. _

_"Where are you going?" Justin cried out into the whipping wind._

_Alex glanced over her shoulder, "Away from you."_

_"Stop being so melodramatic!" _

_She shook her head, not even dignifying it necessary of another response. She could feel her feet slipping against the wood panels. Suddenly Justin's hand grabbed ahold of her wrist and he tugged her close, pulling her into the warmth of his body. His lips molded against hers for the briefest second, and then Alex was left to stare at him as she pulled away. Their foreheads pressed together. _

_"Whenever you do that," Alex panted, "you make me want to devour you."_

_If Justin were bold, he would have been making some comment about how he could do anything with her body, but they hadn't been intimate yet, and had no plans to be at this point. It was already wrong enough without sexual intimacy. Besides, knowing him, he'd spend days studying over the basic mechanics of the act, just to back out when the moment came. Yet another reason Alex shouldn't have chosen him. _

_"You act like you're six," he said. "You're way too promiscuous for your own good, the space between your toenails smells like you haven't washed in a month, you always wear your hair wrong, because it looks the most beautiful when it's wavy and curls just so about your shoulders. You always date the wrong guys, you let Mason manipulate you because you want somebody to love, and I know that, inside, you never feel like you're good enough, no matter what you do to prove otherwise." He stroked her shoulders gently, watching as her lips trembled. _

_Alex reached up and touched his cheek, debating whether or not to slap him. _

_"You forgot the part where you said that you loved me," she murmered, glancing down at the black hole growing ominously close. "I guess this is it."_

_"This is the end," Justin repeated, sliding his fingers through hers and kissing her cheek._

* * *

"You always were a sloppy housekeeper," Justin said as he stopped into the foyer to hang his coat on the rack. The slight smell of cinnamon hung in the air, and as he stepped into the living room, all he could wonder was who the hell Alex had married.

There was a beige couch - of all colors; it might as well been pink - and a brown coffee table with a red scarf lying across its length like some kind of table-cloth. A clock in the shape of an owl ticked softly on the cream wall, and on the opposing wall sat an imposing round mirror. It seemed far too mature for his sister's taste. Justin felt himself flinch as a woman materialized in the mirror and winked at him. It was Duplicate Harper, he realized, charmed into the mirror so that Alex could keep her little pet. So typically teenage Alex.

"You _would_ keep Duplicate Harper," Justin said, smiling as he realized that Alex had kept some vestige of her old life.

"I needed someone to keep me company, once Harper left," she said from the edge of the door leading to the kitchen. She'd tied her long brown hair back into a sloppy ponytail which actually looked good on her, but her eyes were still just as wary.

"That was stupid," Justin said, running a hand over the mirror and watching as Duplicate Harper blushed and loosed a giggle.

She shrugged, reaching a hand up unconsciously to play with her hair, "I never claimed to be smart."

Behind her pant leg, Jamie peeked up curiously at his uncle. There was something familiar about his voice, but not enough to surface a memory.

* * *

_"I told you, this can't happen," Alex mumbled into the phone, running a hand through her hair. _

_Thankfully, she was wasn't like she'd been anticipating the call; it had been six years since she'd last heard his voice, and the shock of it alone had driven her against the wall. _

_"I just want to hear how you're doing," Justin said from the other end. _

_"No," Alex snapped. "You want to get back in my life, damn it. Why can't you just leave me alone?" _

_"You know why." Silence for a moment as they both remembered. "Besides, I never said I wanted to get back in your life. We don't talk for a reason, Alexa." She heard the dial tone thrumming, but the roaring in her own ears drowned it out. _

_Jamie's crying broke through to her, and at last Alex made her way towards the bedroom where her son lay flailing in his cradle. He was getting too big for it, and often woke up with his legs all tangled up, thus the crying. Untangling his little feet, Alex ran a hand over his forehead and made a soft crooning noise. Green eyes peered through the slits in her boy's face, and the four-year old finally stopped wailing. _

_Justin didn't know about his nephew, for good reason. She had sent him a wedding invitation after much thought, and had thought she'd seen him lurking in the background as she and Robert traded wedding vows, but she couldn't be sure. All she could remember was what her brother had done afterwords. She couldn't take the same chance with her son. _

_"Mommy loves you," Alex said. "I'll be here forever, I promise."_

_At least _she_ could keep a promise._

* * *

"I must admit," Justin began conversationally, "I never thought you'd end up living somewhere like this."

He watched the way that she bit her lower lip; she was trying not to smile because she was mad at him for all the troubles they had gone through. She probably subconsciously wanted him to fix everything, and never understood the concept that he was not her _knight in shining armor_. That, and it was not humanely possible to solve all of the world's problems.

"I hated it, at first," she admitted, "because I didn't want to love him."

The wistful tone to her voice hinted at something more than friendship, and Justin forced himself to uncurl his fingers from the arm of the couch. He wouldn't want to dent the upholstery, now would he.

"But then you did love him," Justin said, trying not to make his voice sound flat.

Her only answer was a small smile, one Justin hadn't seen since their night together, since the soft sigh that left her lips when he pulled away for her - the mewling for him to stay and keep her warm. It was a memory he couldn't and wouldn't tarnish, but it was discomforting to hear the same tone in reference to another man.

* * *

_"Ohhh."_

_Alex moaned into his shoulder, her teeth nipping softly at his shoulder. He could feel her eyelashes brushing the hyper-sensitive skin between his shoulder-blade and neck, felt her humming against him, felt the weariness in her bones and muscles as she drooped closer. His arms wove instinctively about her. _

_"Are you okay?" Justin mumbled, kissing her cheek, nose, lips. _

_Alex managed a nod, "Mhm. You?"_

_There weren't any words to express how he felt. Content, no. Happy with himself, no. But there was a thrumming in his system, and as he gazed down at those cloudy brown eyes all he could think about was how much he loved Alex. There was a certain feeling of forever as they lay tangled together that he knew wouldn't last, but he wanted it to. In that moment, it was **real**. _

_"Everything is going to change after today, isn't it?" Alex sounded more relaxed and innocent than she ever had, but there was still the hint of a smirk in her eyes. She wouldn't be herself without it. _

_"Yes," Justin said, unable to lie to her. _

_Her lower lip trembled, and then she leaned up and kissed him. _

_"As long as we're together," Alex whispered against his lips, smiling devilishly, "nothing can stop us."_

* * *

"I learned to love him," she said with a slight shrug, "but it was always you."

With that she headed into the rear of the kitchen, pulling a bottle of wine from the cabinet along with two slim glasses. She didn't even ask if he wanted any, but if the tension between them that could be cut with a butter knife was any indication, he needed it. Justin accepted a glass from her and took a hesitant sip, wincing as the foreign taste slithered down his throat. He only drank at formal occasions, and it was normally white wine, not this heady blend.

"What ever happened to your husband?" Justin asked, taking another sip as he watched her bustle about the kitchen, boiling the water in a pan and adding noodles. Her secret sauce she put to the side, mixing in a handful of spices. The smell was erotic.

She glanced back at him, eyes sad, "It's a long story."

* * *

_"Robby!" Alex practically flew into his dorm room, her eyes alit with joy. "Robert, you're never gonna believe what happened!"_

_Robert glanced up from his position on his bed, shoving the stack of Economics books to the side so that she could see. What he didn't predict was the feeling of her body flying against his as she wrapped him in a hug. Her body bounced excitedly against his. _

_"Alex, you're - uh -" Robert gasped for breath, exhaling sharply as she pulled away to look at him. _

_"Sorry," she apologized fervently. "But Robby, look!" She held up three papers, three different midterms, all with Bs written across the front of them. One professor had even added a smiley face. "I passed all my midterms! I won't be forced to transfer for junior year!" She hugged him again, trying not to notice the secret smile he wore._

_"I'm proud of you," Robert said, ruffling her hair playfully._

_Alex laughed, "You're the one that tutored me. Otherwise I would have failed." She patted his cheek, then paused as his eyes met hers, green and serious. _

_"We should go out and celebrate," Robert said, the hint in his voice very obvious. _

_She paused, thinking about it, "You know it's always been -"_

_"Your brother, yes," Robert finished for her, touching her cheek and feeling a little shiver run through her. "But maybe it's time to see if you can find someone else. Doesn't mean you have to forget Justin."_

_Alex's face was already shutting down, "I thought you underst-"_

_"I understand more than you know." Robert quieted his voice purposely, which only served to rile her up more. "Don't treat me like I'm a stranger. You've told me practically everything." _

_"You weren't there when I was growing up, like Justin was," Alex began, her voice rising. _

_"Look at me!" Robert hissed, shutting her up. He had never raised his voice to her before this moment. "Look at me. Look at my lips. What do you feel when you look at me? Not what you think life should be like, because obviously it's illegal to be with your brother -"_

_Her scream cut him off, followed by the sound of her choking on air. She would have slapped anyone else bold enough to say that, but it was different with Robert. He pushed her, but understood, was here no matter what. And maybe that was what true friendship was all about._

_"I don't know what I feel," Alex said at last, her voice rough as it was before, the day when everything fell to pieces. "Just give me some time okay?"_

* * *

The spaghetti was soon foaming at the edges, and, after turning off the oven, she drained the water from the pot and stirred in the sauce. Justin found himself grimacing, because she knew that he liked to have spaghetti and sauce separate; this, of course, was exactly why his plate was drenched in the sauce.

"I know it's a bit plain," she began as they seated themselves.

Jamie banged his fists eagerly on the table and reached for the plate, burying his fork into the squishy mess. Apparently the son had picked up the mannerisms of the mother, for soon his face was covered in red.

"He reminds me so much of his father sometimes." There was a nonchalant edge to her tone that she was using to try to hide how she really felt. Justin could see the loneliness, how much she had depended on her husband. Though he couldn't deny the bit of him that was rejoicing at her single status, he quickly sobered up as he realized how much she must be hurting,_ again_.

"What attracted you to him?" Justin asked, trying to force the words out as non-awkwardly as possible. But if the smirk she was flashing him was any indication, he wasn't faring too well.

She shrugged, "He was everything I had told myself I would never be. He had straight A's, wore glasses in high school, and although his parents had divorced early, he was always the child brought up in conversations. He was the star of the family, you could say." She took a sip of wine and swallowed, hard. "He spoke thoughtfully, a lot like you sometimes, and it infuriated me to no end. But he just...understood. There was something about him that was just..._right_ for me."

"I see," Justin said, keeping his voice even and catching the annoyed glance she tossed his way.

"Don't talk like that," she chastised, scratching the side of her neck. "You sound nubbish."

"Is that even a word?" Justin took a bite of spaghetti, nearly spitting out his food at the sound of her laugh.

She looked so happy in that moment as she stared at him, and it was like she was eighteen years old again and they were sitting down for an out of the way date.

"You're thinking about our constructive dates, aren't you?" she asked, catching him yet again.

She knew him so well.

* * *

_"I still don't see why I have to wear one of these stupid cowboy hats while you drive," Alex complained. "We're not six, Justin."_

_He kissed the knuckles of her left hand as he pulled into a parking spot, making sure that his car was perfectly in the center of the spot before pulling the key from the ignition. _

_"Technically you're still a minor," he pointed out, straightening his tie nervously. _

_Alex hit him hard on his arm, "I'm seventeen. Don't treat me like I'm five." _

_"Ow," Justin whined, rubbing the spot where she'd socked him. "Must you be so violent?"_

_She smirked, tucking her arm under his, "Must you take me to this out of the way place which you clearly can't afford and for which I'm clearly not wearing the correct attire." Gesturing down at her jeans and paint-splattered tank-top, Alex's brown eyes searched for his expression. _

_Justin laughed, unable to help himself, "You look beautiful, Alex." _

_"You're a liar," she retorted, "but I appreciate the compliment." _

_His kiss broke her away from beginning another rant about the absurdity of wearing a dress to places like this, and he grinned against her mouth as she wrapped her arms around his neck. Here they could get carried away in each other without anyone recognizing them, without the expectations of society, without - _

_"What are you guys doing?"_

_ Alex's face blanched as she stared down into the darkness of the alley. Max stood there, standing behind one of the trash-cans with an incredulous look on his face. It looked as if they had broken his heart. _

_"Max?" Alex's voice cracked as she spoke, pulling as far away from Justin as her own silly emotions would allow. Justin couldn't find any adequate brain function to even lick his lips, let alone run away from this. _

_"You, you guys," Max stuttered, stepping towards them. "You were kissing."_

_"Yes," Justin said, his voice numb. _

_"But you're -" Max's hand brushed across his lips as he fought for the right wording. His eyes were watering. "This isn't normal. You guys are - we're - **this can't happen!" **_

_"Max, please," Alex whimpered, trying to wrap her arms around her brother. Max fought her for a second before giving into her embrace, tears squeezing their way out of his eyes. "Maxie, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry," she whispered into his shirt, her eyes seeking Justin as she comforted their brother._

_"You guys can't do this," Max whimpered, hands tangling against her back. _

_Justin was still frozen about ten feet away, but Alex's eyes were speaking to him. The way she was looking at Max, the panic and the dull inevitability. How far would they go to protect the secret of their illicit relationship? They both knew it was beyond wrong, sickening. _

_Justin pulled out his wand, pointing it at his little brother's back, fighting the tears as he summoned the spell in his mind. The love in Alex's eyes was enough to force him to do the spell that would make Max forget, but he would regret it for the rest of his life. _

_"I'm so sorry, Maxie," Alex repeated, tearing up. _

_He hadn't seen his little sister cry in years, and the sight alone was enough. Once it was done, he slumped to the ground, holding his head in his hands as Alex led Max back down the alley to get in Justin's car. _

* * *

"We shouldn't have made Max forget," she said, stirring her fork around in her spaghetti, mixing it all together until it looked more orange then red. She still hadn't taken a single bite; he would have noticed a stain surrounding her lips for sure if she had.

Justin shrugged, "He would have figured it out eventually."

And figure it out he had, the night that Jerry and Theresa had separated their children. The pain in Max's eyes had been just like the last time, heart-breaking even to see. Seeing the disbelief on everyone's faces -

"Don't think about it." She was staring at him with those brown eyes painted in wariness, trying to hide the concern.

"We can't just pretend nothing happened," Justin said, waiting for her reaction. Jamie was eyeing them periodically, but thankfully was still too absorbed by his food to notice much else.

She shook her head, "You sound like me talking to Mom. Never realized how much I'd turned into her." There was a sneer in her tone now, a distaste that entered the picture every time their family was brought up in a conversation. They had both gotten better at hiding it, but it was there.

* * *

_"You only get one chance," Alex hissed as she stomped towards the sub station. _

_Even after the past number of years the streets still looked the same; there were a few places boarded up, and one or two new signs swinging from second-story windows, but this neighborhood was too ingrained to change. She could probably still walk across the street and pick up a hot dog with slimy relish from the shady casher who always asked for tips (you'd think the woman would have moved on by now, it having been over a decade since she'd started her little business.) _

_"Stop being so worried," Robert said as he caught up to her, trying to slide his hand through hers. _

_Alex stepped to the side, her arm shrinking back like he was trying to poison her. He'd started hinting at something more between them a number of weeks ago, and while she did experience uncomfortably familiar jolts every time he touched her, she still wasn't ready to pursue something. Not quite yet. _

_"Alex," he began wearily._

_"I'm trying," Alex said, slightly sorry when she heard the honest hurt in his voice. "I just - I don't want to commit to something when I feel like I'd want to bolt every other day." Her brown eyes scanned his face anxiously; she really did care about his opinions, and wouldn't want to see him disappointed in her. _

_Robert managed a smile, "I think you need to trust yourself a little more."_

_Alex pushed open the door to the Sub Station, wincing as the hinges squealed. Her dad still hadn't oiled the hinges, and they were probably about ready to fall off due to the accumulation of rust. "I've grown up my whole life teaching myself otherwise," she pointed out. _

_"There she is," Theresa called out, sliding out from behind the counter. She took several steps in her daughter's direction, forcing her arms out for a hug as she did so. Alex reluctantly gave her mom a quick hug (hugs didn't mean anything anymore with this family) before stepping back. She'd much rather deal with Robert's touchy-feely attitude then her mom's hospitality charade. _

_"Mom," Alex said, smiling a little more genuinely as she spotted Jerry heading out of the wizard lair, "Dad. I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Robert. Robert," she pushed him forward, chuckling as his muscles tensed under her touch, "meet my parents."_

_Robert turned on the charm instantly, "It's very nice to meet you both." He shook their hands enthusiastically. _

_Jerry Russo shot Alex a look, and instantly she headed over towards him, leaving Robert to talk with her mom. Alex had been able to mend the gap with her dad a lot easier. Sure, it had taken months, but Jerry had missed his only daughter, and they'd started up a friendship. _

_"Robert seems like a nice kid," Jerry said, hugging his daughter to him. "Anything going on there?" He still smelled like BO and bologna. _

_Alex could feel her cheeks warming as she glanced back at Robert, at the wire-rimmed glances and the glint of his green eyes; at the shy glance he shot back her way blazing with trust and a little bit of worry as Theresa launched into a story about Max breaking something or other. There was certainly something special about Robert. Even her stubborn heart could admit that much. It was committing that was the problem. _

_"I'm not sure," she answered truthfully, hugging her arms close to her body. "We should probably go rescue him."_

_Jerry barked a laugh in agreement, one that turned into a cough. This time, as they approached, Alex slid her hand into Robert's, and gave his hand a quick squeeze of reassurance. The glow in his eyes was enough to send a warm fuzzy feeling traveling down her lower stomach. _

* * *

"I'm done," she announced suddenly, sliding her chair back and getting up. "You want some coffee?"

Justin opened his mouth to decline - he had never really enjoyed the taste of coffee, not even with packets of Sweet & Low and creamer added - but she was already pouring herself a cup. She had already known what his response would be; it seemed that she just wanted to strike up conversation with him. He watched, slightly mesmerized, as her slender fingers tore open two packets of plain sugar and dumped them into the steaming black coffee.

"Why did you invite me here tonight?" Justin asked suddenly, not sure where that had even come from.

"It was an experiment, you could say." She took a sip from the mug, and he watched the steam billow around her face.

"An experiment?" he wondered.

She didn't respond for a moment, instead taking the plate from Jamie and putting it in the sink. Quickly, impatiently, she wetted a napkin and began to scrub at her son's face - which was now more red from the sauce than it's normal color.

* * *

_"Where are you taking me?" Alex wondered, pouting so that he could tell that she was puzzled and unamused. Her eyes and nose were covered with a black handkerchief, and she had her arms crossed about her abdomen. It made her look like quite the spoiled child. _

_"I told you," Robert said with a gentle laugh, "it's a secret." He turned his eyes back to the road. _

_"You know I hate surprises," Alex grumbled, her fingers detaching themselves from her waist and reaching out. In a moment, she found his right hand and slid her fingers through his, loving the simplicity of it. Lately she'd been holding his hand; nothing more, nothing less, and it felt natural. At least it was a start. _

_A minute later, the car bounced over a patch of gravel, and came to a stop. The engine hissed as it cooled off. _

_"Alright," Robert said, "you can take off the blind-fold now."_

_Alex's fingers scrabbled instantly at the knot, and quickly found that Robert had tied it in a far too complex manner to try undoing it. Instead she yanked the handkerchief from her face and flung it in the back. Almost immediately her eyebrows rose and she looked about in confusion._

_"Where are we?" she asked in a grumbling tone. _

_"Stop whining," Robert chastised. "Do you remember how you told me about the time you used magic to get to the top of a volcano?"_

_Alex just nodded, eyes wide. It seemed so long ago, a memory from her childhood that left her shuddering just from the rememberance of it. _

_"Well," he said, reaching for her hand again, "I thought you might like to climb the same volcano the normal way. The non-wizard way. You know, so you can prove to yourself that you are capable of living without magic, because you are. You're stronger than you think, Alex Russo."_

_Alex couldn't take her eyes off of Robert, those brown pools void of any barriers she normally put up. It was astounding to hear just how much he cared about her after all the times she'd shut him out. She'd rejected him so many times it was a miracle he hadn't offed himself, or at the very least found someone else to pursue. _

_"Why me?" she asked, her voice coming out shakier than she'd thought it would. "Why, out of everyone, did you choose the most messed up girl in the entire university?" _

_"Because," Robert said, leaning closer and staring right into her eyes, "I saw past the anger and the helplessness, the walls that you put up for others. I saw your compassion and your laziness, your hardships, and how you've been strengthened because of them, and I saw the passion to complete any task you set before yourself. I saw all of you, even your unseemly habits, and I care about you. It's as simple as that."_

_She should have thought more about it, but Alex Russo had always been known for her impulsiveness. Leaning forward, Alex cupped Robert's face in her hands, and kissed him. It was brief, just long enough for his lips to respond, and then she was lurching back with face crimson. She expected him to rage, to yell - or rather, wanted him to, so that she could go and moon over the past - but instead he only smiled in a handsome manner at her, green eyes sparkling. _

_"Finally cracked, huh?" Robert asked. _

_Alex made a noise in the back of her throat, "You wish." She rolled her eyes at him. _

_He cut her off mid-eye roll with another kiss, this one lingering. For a moment, she lost herself in his touch. _

* * *

"Why didn't you tell me about Jamie?" Justin asked, changing the subject when it was clear that she wasn't going to respond.

She hesitated, her lips hovering over the rim of the coffee mug as she studied him. Her eyes were rolling back and forth, a bit cloudy, a sure-fire sign she exhibited whenever she was thinking hard about something. It appeared that she didn't know how to phrase her answer, something that actually wasn't rare for his sister. She had tried to behave in her teen years like she had a haughty answer to everything he said, but really, she fumbled with words just as much as he did, if not more. It was one thing that had drawn him to her.

"Do you remember what you did at my wedding?" she asked at last.

The anger was obvious in her voice, and Justin tried not to cringe. He regretted what he had done the moment it was over, but there was no changing the past now. Now he could only guilt over it.

"Only always," he admitted with a heavy sigh.

* * *

_Alex clutched Robert's hand in her own as they stepped down from the trellis to greet their respective families; it was hard to take her eyes off the small diamond ring she now wore on the fourth finger of her left hand, but she'd get used to it eventually, she supposed. The only reason she was uncomfortable with it was because it marked her for a certain path, something she had always despised. _

_"You're becoming uncomfortable," Robert whispered in her ear. _

_She cocked an eyebrow and smiled for the cameras, her lips moving almost unintelligably, "And you're talking far too properly for my taste."_

_His grip tightened around hers, and he led her towards a row of chairs in the back, unconsciously accepting her desire to sit down. Alex hated to be the center of attention like this, but there was no avoiding it, so the least Robert could do was make her comfortable. _

_"Everyone needs to leave already," Alex mumbled, sliding the ring off her finger and examining it in the mid-morning light. It was rather pretty after all. _

_"Why?" Robert wondered, smiling. "So you can have the cake all to yourself?"_

_Alex couldn't refrain her peal of laughter, "And then afterwords, my dad and I could hit up the monthly Pancake Special. I've been craving pancakes." She patted her stomach absent-mindedly through the frills in the dress. God, she hated frills, but Theresa had insisted. _

_"I'll buy you some butter and syrup on the way home, okay?" Robert offered, watching with furrowed eyebrows as she set her ring down on the table adjacent to them. "Make sure you don't lose that."_

_"Someone's going frugal on me," Alex commented, running her thumb over the top of his hand softly. "Trust me once in awhile, gosh."_

_Robert caught her lips in a quick kiss, "You know I do, but sometimes you invite chastisement." _

_She rolled her eyes, but in that moment they were distracted by the sight of Theresa and Jerry trying to dance and failing miserably, crashing into a table and sending several sets of silverware hurtling to the ground. It seemed only a few seconds later that Alex reached back for her ring. Her face blanched. _

_"Robert, the ring," Alex hissed, trying to keep her voice was trembling. _

_They began to search the area around the table as discretely as possible, but there should have been no way that ring would have fallen in the first place. It seemed that the ring had been stolen. In it's place, however, a pristine white envelope lay. Alex reached out for it with quivering fingers, and pulled out a creamy sheet of paper. Her eyes filled with tears as she read._

_"I lied when I said that you were just my sister. But you abandoned me anyways. The least you owe me is the trinket promising your future."_

* * *

"How could you have been any more immature?" she snapped, her cool facade finally beginning to unravel. "The moment when I was finally doing as you'd asked, moving on with someone else because we could never be anything - "

"I'm not perfect," Justin said. His heart was hammering in his chest. "I gave it back, Alexa."

She whirled from her position in the doorway, eyes murderous, as black and dangerous as they had been when she was still living at home and they were sneaking around under the cover of darkness.

"Don't you _dare_ call me that," she hissed, running a hand through her hair and throwing the black hairband to the floor. "Robert nearly had to go and buy me another ring. I spent _weeks_ apologizing for it. It completely _ruined_ our honeymoon, and then weeks after the ceremony you _conveniently_ decide to return my wedding ring."

"I was stupid, okay," Justin yelled, thanking God that Jamie had scampered off to his room to play with his action figures. "I got jealous."

She froze, brown eyes trembling with tears and fury. He had never expressed such words before, admitting that he had felt just as fiercely as she had in those years so long ago, that he had suffered just as much as she had at their separation. That he had hated seeing her with another man just as much as she loathed the sight of Juliet.

"You told me that we could never be anything, Justin," she said at last, feeling the weariness start to steal in. "You left me feeling all alone. You abandoned _me_."

This is what it truly came down to.

"I know," Justin whispered.

* * *

_"Justin," Alex whispered into the phone, curling into a little ball under his covers, "it's me, again. I'm not supposed to be calling you. I'm not even supposed to be here." She choked on a sob as she looked around her brother's bedroom, at the stripped walls and empty closet. He had left the same night their parents had found out, smart as always; and here she was, lying here three days later, unable to leave because she didn't have the energy. _

_"I feel so alone," she whimpered, her finger hovering over the end button as she prepared to end the call. A tear slid down her face, and she hated how weak she was. This wasn't how Alex Russo was supposed to act. She was eighteen, for God's sake. This was the time of her life. _

_Suddenly, there was noises from the other end. Scrabbling, mumbling. _

_"Alex." His voice sounded so warm and so real. It was almost like he was here beside her. _

_"Justin," Alex croaked, "thank God, where are you, what -"_

_"Stop, Alex." He sounded defeated, but the sadness was missing. She wondered if this even hurt him. _

_"What are you talking about?" Alex said, burrowing her face into his pillow. _

_"This has to stop," Justin said, and she could have sworn she heard the tremor in his voice. "You saw what we did to our family. I can't - this is done. You have to forget about us." A pause in which her heart shattered. "I'm sorry." _

_Alex barely even heard the dial tone. She was too busy falling into herself. _

_After everything, he'd simply given up on her. On them. She began to sob so hard there was no noise, just perfect silence. _

* * *

"I did what you asked me to," she said, voice calming down slightly until she looked almost speculative. Justin knew her well enough to sense the fury brewing just beneath the surface. She'd lash out at him again if he prodded anything sensitive; it was how she'd been since childhood.

Justin paused to think, "I never wanted you to move on."

"You should have said something," she answered bitterly, taking another sip of coffee.

"You were a little busy taking care of your husband," Justin snapped, watching as her face drew sad, then pale.

She paced back and forth across one end of the kitchen, keeping the island between them just in case. Whether it would be to protect herself from him, or to keep him away from the potential death threat she posed, Justin wasn't sure. Probably the latter, knowing how quickly her temper boiled over.

"What else could I do?" She asked finally, setting the empty mug down on the island. "He - it happened so fast."

* * *

_Alex was just setting a pizza box down on the front porch to retrieve her keys from her purse when she heard the loud thud from inside the house. Instinctively she reached for her right boot, only to remember that she hadn't used a wand since she and Justin had been disqualified from the family wizard competition two years ago. _

_"Hello?" she called out. _

_There came a weak moan from inside. Alex recognized her husband's voice instantly, and her eyes shot open like she'd been branded. Grabbing her keys, she rifled through them until she found the house key, then quickly unlocked the door. The sight that greeted her was horrible._

_"Alex," Robert grunted, his voice thick with pain. _

_He was lying on the floor with his arms and legs spread like he was making snow angels, and there was a gash on the side of his head, blood seeping into his bronze hair. Robert hadn't just slipped; if he had, he would have gotten right back up and dealt with any injuries himself. Alex felt her heart sink as she noticed his fluttering eyelashes, dilated pupils, and shaking limbs. Whipping out her phone, she dialed 9-1-1. _

_"It's gonna be okay," she whispered as she clutched her husband's hand desperately. _

_"No, it's not going to do anything," Robert answered, his voice barely audible. _

_"What do you mean?" Alex asked, kissing his forehead as gently as she could considering how bad she was trembling. "The paramedics will help you, I promise."_

_Robert shook his head ever so slightly, "I -" he broke off, coughing in a way that sent the hairs on the back of Alex's neck bristling, "I'm sick."_

_In that moment, an ambulance came screeching around the corner, and paramedics spilled onto her front lawn. Alex watched them carry her husband off, wondering what he possibly could have meant. Her fingers crept towards her stomach; he had to come back, had to support her, had to support the child he wasn't aware they'd conceived yet. _

* * *

_"How long has he been diagnosed?" Alex asked her husband's doctor, holding her hands together in a fist behind her back. _

_She hated the feeling of her husband's room, with the beige walls and sterilized white everywhere. It was too uniform, and it reminded her of inevitability, of death. Robert smelled like decay. _

_"He was diagnosed three months ago," Dr. Barnes said, checking his clip-board, "but by that point he was already at the beginning of Stage Four. He knew that he'd be here sooner or later. Probably tried to protect you from it."_

_"I'd rather he hadn't," Alex said, her voice sounding hollow. "Can I see my husband now?"_

_"Certainly," Dr. Barnes said with a nod, sliding back the curtain that hid Robert's bed. _

_Alex felt her breath catch as she glanced over Robert's face, at the gaunt lines of his eyes, nose and cheekbones, the way that his ribs were outlined through the white gown he'd been forced to wear. He looked on the brink of death, although he was supposed to have at least three more months. Alex glanced down at her stomach, at the small bump where normally the skin was flat. She was only three months along, and she wanted to tell Robert, but it would probably do nothing but give him guilt. After all, he might be dead before their baby arrived. _

_"You could have told me, you know."_

_Ale__x jumped at the sound of Robert's voice. It sounded like he'd swallowed gravel, but he was awake and speaking to her; that was all that mattered._

_"You're awake," Alex said, running a hand over his forehead. He had a temperature. The monitor read 104 degrees. _

_"Alex," Robert breathed, glancing down at her stomach. "When were you going to tell me?"_

_She bit her lower lip, took his hand. _

_"No time like the present," Alex joked, trying to make him laugh. He managed to crack a smile. "Robby, we're going to have a baby." She leaned down and placed a soft kiss on his lips, trying to ignore how heavy her heart felt._

_"We're going to be parents," Robert said, a ghost of a smile drifting onto his lips. He looked so happy in that moment, his green eyes dancing as they had when she'd kissed him under the volcano. _

_Alex stroked his cheek once, twice, watching as his eyelids slowly shut and he fell into the clutches of sleep. _

_"I love you, Robby." She kissed him more softly then she ever had._

* * *

She seemed to be trapped in her own little world, brown eyes glancing out the window on the opposite side of the kitchen.

"Did he - Robert," Justin found it hard to say the man's name, "ever get to see Jamie?"

She shook her head slowly, "He died a month before I gave birth. But he wanted his son's name to be James. That was his one wish, the last thing he told me before they pulled the plug on him. Robert wouldn't have wanted to lie in the hospital, kept alive only by machines. He would have wanted me to let him go." She cut off, apparently done trying to convince herself yet again that she'd made the right choice.

Justin wanted to reach out and enfold her in his arms, but he sensed that she wouldn't let him. She was in her own little world, in her memories, where her husband was still alive.

* * *

_Her stomach hurt. It hurt to breathe, but she forced herself to anyways. _

_Turning under the covers, eyeing her whale of a belly. She'd never wanted to have kids, not before Robert. And now he - _

_"Robby," she breathed, reaching out for him, and encountering only his empty, cold side of their bed. _

_Aching, breaking somewhere deep inside of her. There were pains between her legs, getting worse with each passing hour. The sheets on her side were soaked, her water having broken just a half hour before. She should probably have gotten up to clean it, but she didn't, just dragging herself to Robert's side of the bed. _

_One month waking up to an empty bed, empty house, empty life. One month eating alone, remembering the smile on his face as she had said goodbye and promised to name their son James. The smile drifting away into unconsciousness. The screech of the machines, a straight line, death. _

_"Robby." She gasped as another pain rolled through, cutting and sharp, hurting, aching, breaking. "I love you, Robby."_

* * *

"What did we do to ourselves?" Justin asked, planting his hands against the island.

She still didn't respond, still kept her eyes trained out the window. Looking at what, he couldn't tell.

"_Alex_."

Nothing.

"Alex, that's not going to bring him back."

She turned, eyes burning.

"Will it bring you back? I loved Robert. But you know it's _always been you_."

For once in his life, Justin didn't let himself think of the consequences. He adopted Alex's style of leaping into things with both eyes closed. Reaching out, he grabbed her face and kissed her like he was drowning, like she was the air, the surface. Her fingers are clawing at his own face, and they stumble towards the bedroom.

"It can't -" kiss "be-" kiss "like this." Justin gasps as he tries to talk, but she won't let him.

He feels her fingers descending, pulling his shirt up and off. His naked black gleams beautifully in the dim light of the hallway, rests perfectly against the curve of her bed. Her eyes are hungry, and it's more need and lust than anything else, but beneath it all, they've always loved each other.

"Is it ever?" She pulls back and just looks at him, brown eyes free from their barriers.

He sees the little girl who forced him to go strawberry picking, who fought with him and taunted him, who made love to him when she was eighteen. He sees his sister with all of her flaws, and that's how it's always been. Doesn't change anything. _What they've had has always simply been...**love**_.

"I've always heard that love is a best friendship caught on fire," she whispers, nipping at the curve of his neck.

_If they really love you...**they'll come back**. _

It's the most Justin-like she's ever sounded.

**)fin(**


End file.
